| My sympathies to you
Hello Dreamer:
I've been in your situation. You have my sympathies, as the situation you describe is maddening, frustrating, disheartening beyond belief. It simply eats away at you.
Your alcoholic BF and his mother are "enmeshed". Maybe she will be able to escape the web that has her tied to, and enabling, her son. Maybe not. It's hard to predict. Certainly she has had the opportunity, the information, and even the support (you gave her) but has chosen to remain in the web. It is unfortunate, but is her decision.
Since you can't control or remedy the dynamic (although clearly you've tried) the best thing you can do for yourself is remove yourself. Yes, this will be painful for you, but to continue to stay in this toxic environment is to continue subjecting yourself to continued grief and pain. Consider, too, that your removing yourself may actually shake some sense into at least the mother. But, bottom line, leave for yourself, not anyone else.
I read a bit of advice once from, of all people, Bill Gates. It related to business, of course, but the essence of his advice was to put time and energy into those people who have promise, and who will benefit from the time and effort. Trying to "save" or "shore up" non-performers or underperformers (like the alcoholic and the enabler) is not likely to pay off.
Good luck to you.
Electa
|