Hi!
Boy can I relate to what you are saying. I did that for years.
I eventually wound up in a detox hospital where members of AA visited said they had a solution. I finally gave it up and got some help. I got a sponsor on the spot and started to call him daily. I would up working all the steps and staying sober with no desire for alcohol at all.
For me the face to face meetings and the fellowship of AA really helped. There is no way I could have stayed sober without help. The fellow gave me the strength and courage I needed.
I didn't realize that all I had to do was ask for help and the solution was a lot easier than I thought. All I had to do was keep an open mind.
Good Luck
