[Dreamer42long]

If you guys remember my story a week or so ago, my ABF suddenly and without warning came to my house while I was as work and cleared out most of his stuff. He left his key on the table then called me up and told me he had “enough of my crap.” My crap….right….this is all MY fault.

This past Wednesday, he called me from work, sober and sweet as could be and said, “I’d really like to see you and go someplace so we can talk. Can we do something this weekend? With a grain of salt, I said, “Sure.” I did want the chance to talk to him because I was going to say that I don’t want to see him as long as he refuses to get help. “I need to work on me and you need to work on you and we can’t do that while we’re together…” That was the brunt of my speech. Anyway, he said he’d call me Thursday night so we could meet up Friday.

Well true to form, he never called, then called me Friday afternoon (drunk) and told me that he couldn’t make it and asked if I still wanted to see him this weekend. I said, “I don’t know,” hung up on him.

Fast forward to this afternoon, I just came from his house. Not to talk because I knew he’d be drunk, but to finally collect my things. I didn’t want to go over and clear out my stuff until my daughter was away for the weekend at her dad’s.

Anyway, I summoned my courage, repeated out loud to myself, ‘I’m just getting my things and leaving, getting my things and leaving, getting my things and leaving.”

I get there and he was outside putzing in the garage. I walked up to him and said, “Hi.” He had that ugly grimace on his face that confirms to me that he’s drunk. I quietly said, “Still drinking, huh?” To which he replied, “Of course!” I told him I just came for my things. I followed him inside and he starts murmuring under his breath about me cheating and he’s doesn’t want the guitar I bought him because “my other boyfriend” helped me pick it out (whaaaa???)

His mother was inside (this house is actually HER house). She is elderly and he’s supposed to be there helping her out, but she ends up taking care of him. She and I have always gotten along great but she enables him because she allows him to stay, lets him bring alcohol into the house, won’t tell him he’s got to get help or move out (“He’s my son, I’m not going to throw him out.”) So instead she puts up with his behavior then tells me she feels like a prisoner in her own house. “So kick him out,” I say, but she refuses.

What really upset me today is that she wouldn’t even look at me when I tried to talk to her. It’s like she’s given in to everything. For awhile she was being so strong and was going to Al-anon meetings with me. But now she’s just given up and given in. I told her as respectfully as I could that I hope she’s ready to live this way and wished her luck.”
I wish I knew why she is giving in to him.

Got in my car and cried.

Please tell me the worst is over. I feel some relief but I’m definitely in mourning over all the good times passed and the dreams we shared for the future. This man is the love of my life and his disease is destroying him. I just can’t watch anymore. It’s too painful.

Thanks for reading, I think I'll go cry some more while I change my locks.