[change4penny]

TKK, welcome to SR. I'm a recovering opiate/cocaine addict, 13 months clean. I was addicted to opiates for more than ten years, the coke I used on and off for many years, but it got a hold on me the last four years before recovery.
Before rehab, I was swallowing thirty 10mg pills of hydro or oxycodones each day just to keep from being dope sick, and yes, for that 'numbing' feeling you mentioned. My use of these drugs was how I dealt with life, then 'life' dealt with me.
Please, stop now, before this gets any worse. You say that you don't want to use anything to help you through this, but I would reconsider this. I'm on Suboxone and it has saved my life. It has taken away all the cravings that I once had for those pills and afforded me the time to get used to a life of recovery, without that obsession for those pills. You may not want to go this route, but putting a Suboxone under your tongue once a day is a lot better than smoking or shooting heroin...the sub won't kill you, but the heroin will. I do have to say this....the sub works, but only if you have the true desire to stop what you're doing. Otherwise, it's just another pill.
Keep posting here, you'll get a lot of support and good advice.

God bless,

Penny