| Is This Too Much To Handle?
Hi. I met my boyfriend in high school, we were buddies, nothing more, and we found each other again and fell in love in our thirties. I am divorced with 3 small kids, and he is legally separated with a son. We have been in a long-distance relationship, and when we got serious, he admitted that was addicted to hard drugs in his twenties, and that he is now an alcoholic and wanted help.
He has PTSD, and I noticed he was on alot of medication, way too much. I'm a behavior analyst, so I thought this was a sign from God that I could help him. When we parted after a family vacation in August, he got into a fight with his ex, also an addict, and overdosed on prescriptions, cocaine, which he hadn't touched in 10 years, and alcohol.
He did 30 days of detox and rehab, and I went to see him after his release. I was prepared for this, because of a difficult childhood and my profession, but, after I had to come home, he relapsed.
He's cut back on the drinking, but when he drinks, on lithium no less (he was diagnosed bipolar as well)...the mood swings are terrible. I've talked him down from suicide, let him verbally abuse me, and pretty much bowed to the moods cause, I guess I'm "trained" to deal with it.
Last night, I stood up for myself. I'd found that he'd seen his ex, and when he rejected her, she filed a restraining order to keep him from his son out of spite, and as a result of this I've born the anger, but it gets worse. He's also ordered prostitutes online and cut himself.
He says he doesn't believe in God, and why don't I understand he has nothing to live for and that he is a dying man.
Two of my kids are disabled. He is the first man that didn't run away, and I am the first woman in his life he wasn't ashamed to take home to his mother. I love him so much, have forgiven him, have prayed, and tried to live my life as normally as possible, but I finally had to tell him that I have feelings, I hurt, and that he can't keep blaming everyone else for his problems, nor make me his sole source of emotional support anymore.
Is there a point when you just give up? My ex-husband is a violent alcoholic, and never wanted help. I just feel in my heart that my boyfriend and I are meant to be, but is this pain all worth it?
Thanks
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