| I co-created my relationship with xabf
Recent threads about blaming the alcoholic got me thinking about my relationship with my xabf.
Before I knew of his drinking, we went to couples therapy together. We would both blame each other for stuff. She would say we co-created the relationship and both responsible for the problems. Ok, fair enoungh. After I learned of his alcoholism and continued to see her on my own I would continue with the poor me blame game. She would again tell me I co-created the relationship. At first I was mad. He lied, manipulated, drank and schemed. How was I to blame for any of it? Well, I allowed it. All of it. Instead if being mad, this information empowered me. I had a choice. I stayed. The good news was that I still had choices. I could choose to have pity parties for what he did, or I could choose to acknowledge my part in it, accept that something in me had to change, and go on to a much more happy life. There are many hard things in this. The anger at myself was huge, but got better as time went on. There is hope for everyone in the same situation if they choose to take their power back.
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