SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Mandjas · 11-06-2009, 09:39 AM

Thank you I take on board your comments and I think a letter may well be a good idea. At least that way it won't end in an argument/confrontation and it may look like I am backing down on my boundaries if I go and see her.

I know I have to brace myself that she may continue to not speak to me but at least I have closure that I have spelt it out very clear to her of what is expected if SHE WANTS to see us. If SHE chooses not to then at least I have eliminated doubt and I have a clear conscience to continue doing what's right for me.

I was thinking of something like this:

We haven't spoken for a while but it doesn't mean I don't think about you, because I do and I hope you are keeping well.

I am starting to consider that our no contact is turning into a family rift now - something that neither Jas or I wanted but we respect that you don't wish to speak to us at the moment.

The reason I am contacting you is because we have decided to go home earlier than we originally planned. This is mainly due to the financial strain with storage & bills in Oz, full time nursery fees and bills for our rental - we aren't achieving any of the things we came over here to do and the lease on our house is up for renewal.

I have been in a programme with ala-non for the last month and that is helping me to understand a little more about how I can deal with my own feelings about your situation. It has re-inforced to me that I cannot change you and more importantly I don't have the right to try and change what you are doing - because only you can decide if or when you want to stop drinking. All I can do is ensure that I minimalise the impact it has on me and my family. If you respect what I want for my own child then I will of course be happy for you to come and see us, or to come and see you, or meet you somewhere so that you can spend time with him. All we ask is that there is no drinking involved when you are around him.

I couldn't live with my conscience if I left without letting you know what our plans are but I will leave it to you to decide if you want to see us before we leave in February.

11-06-2009, 09:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
Mandjas Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Birmingham, England Posts: 58	Thank you I take on board your comments and I think a letter may well be a good idea. At least that way it won't end in an argument/confrontation and it may look like I am backing down on my boundaries if I go and see her. I know I have to brace myself that she may continue to not speak to me but at least I have closure that I have spelt it out very clear to her of what is expected if SHE WANTS to see us. If SHE chooses not to then at least I have eliminated doubt and I have a clear conscience to continue doing what's right for me. I was thinking of something like this: We haven't spoken for a while but it doesn't mean I don't think about you, because I do and I hope you are keeping well. I am starting to consider that our no contact is turning into a family rift now - something that neither Jas or I wanted but we respect that you don't wish to speak to us at the moment. The reason I am contacting you is because we have decided to go home earlier than we originally planned. This is mainly due to the financial strain with storage & bills in Oz, full time nursery fees and bills for our rental - we aren't achieving any of the things we came over here to do and the lease on our house is up for renewal. I have been in a programme with ala-non for the last month and that is helping me to understand a little more about how I can deal with my own feelings about your situation. It has re-inforced to me that I cannot change you and more importantly I don't have the right to try and change what you are doing - because only you can decide if or when you want to stop drinking. All I can do is ensure that I minimalise the impact it has on me and my family. If you respect what I want for my own child then I will of course be happy for you to come and see us, or to come and see you, or meet you somewhere so that you can spend time with him. All we ask is that there is no drinking involved when you are around him. I couldn't live with my conscience if I left without letting you know what our plans are but I will leave it to you to decide if you want to see us before we leave in February.