SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

whiterose18 · 11-06-2009, 05:46 AM

Hello everyone, My username is WhiteRose18. This is the first time i've ever done something like this, but as my title says "i've had it"! I'm living this secret ugly life, and i feel like the real me is just this lil voice trapped inside this body that has let heroin take control over. Nobody knows that i use dope, or that i've been using since 2005. I don't want this in my body, and i haven't wanted it in my body since 2006. I just don't know how to go about doing it. I tried going to a hospital to detox, but i only lasted 12 hours, cuz i couldn't stop crying. I work and go to school, and i don't know how to start the recovery process without people finding out. My legs are always hurting, i can't sleep, and my face is constantly breaking out! I can't go on vacation for fear i won't have enough dope to last me. To top it all off, i have anxiety and been diagnosed with depression since i was like 12! I don't want this drug to keep controlling my life....Im 31 years old and i can't believe its gotten this far. I only use to get thru the day, so im not sick. But i've become this whole other person and i fear that people are starting to notice. I don't clean my house anymore, i don't go anywhere and i was never like this. I was a neat freak and i liked hanging out with friends and going to dinner and hanging with my family. Now im just trapped in this messy ass house, and only take a shower when im going to work. Then i go to school, but i definitely make sure that my boyfriend gets my dope for me so that i can function at work and school and then i come home and do absolutely nothing. I can't sleep so i pretty much live off of 10 hours of sleep a week, if even that. I know im rambling, but this is the first time i've said any of this to anyone. I just need help....I just want to start to get off, but i don't know how. Im very scared of the w/d process because of the pain im in already. I was hit by a bus in 2005 and needed surgery for my arm and my foot was in a cast. i got hooked on vicodins and when those ran out my friend gave me some heroin and some how i got hooked, when i swore i would never do it! But i am Done and I have had it, and i just need some advice on how to take the first step. Mentallly i believe im prepared...but what's next??

Thank u for letting me let this out....it was very hard!!!

11-06-2009, 05:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
whiterose18 Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chicago Illinois Posts: 1	I've had it!! Hello everyone, My username is WhiteRose18. This is the first time i've ever done something like this, but as my title says "i've had it"! I'm living this secret ugly life, and i feel like the real me is just this lil voice trapped inside this body that has let heroin take control over. Nobody knows that i use dope, or that i've been using since 2005. I don't want this in my body, and i haven't wanted it in my body since 2006. I just don't know how to go about doing it. I tried going to a hospital to detox, but i only lasted 12 hours, cuz i couldn't stop crying. I work and go to school, and i don't know how to start the recovery process without people finding out. My legs are always hurting, i can't sleep, and my face is constantly breaking out! I can't go on vacation for fear i won't have enough dope to last me. To top it all off, i have anxiety and been diagnosed with depression since i was like 12! I don't want this drug to keep controlling my life....Im 31 years old and i can't believe its gotten this far. I only use to get thru the day, so im not sick. But i've become this whole other person and i fear that people are starting to notice. I don't clean my house anymore, i don't go anywhere and i was never like this. I was a neat freak and i liked hanging out with friends and going to dinner and hanging with my family. Now im just trapped in this messy ass house, and only take a shower when im going to work. Then i go to school, but i definitely make sure that my boyfriend gets my dope for me so that i can function at work and school and then i come home and do absolutely nothing. I can't sleep so i pretty much live off of 10 hours of sleep a week, if even that. I know im rambling, but this is the first time i've said any of this to anyone. I just need help....I just want to start to get off, but i don't know how. Im very scared of the w/d process because of the pain im in already. I was hit by a bus in 2005 and needed surgery for my arm and my foot was in a cast. i got hooked on vicodins and when those ran out my friend gave me some heroin and some how i got hooked, when i swore i would never do it! But i am Done and I have had it, and i just need some advice on how to take the first step. Mentallly i believe im prepared...but what's next?? Thank u for letting me let this out....it was very hard!!!