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ncgirl · 11-05-2009, 09:34 AM

So, I am finishing my Alanon 4th Step after 4 years. I am supposed to write out what it is I want in an ideal mate/spouse. How bout not alcoholic or addict. My sponsor says that is the bare minimum, I should shoot for the stars for everything I want, not everything I don't want. So, I am thinking about this ideal mate. I met my exhusband when I was 17 and we divorced a few years ago, when I was 45. Met my ex boyfriend during the last few years of my marriage. My husband was not sharing a bed with me for 7 years and the new boyfriend started out as a friend, and progressed after I split from my husband. New boyfriend, who is not my ex, is a ch and a. My ex was a pill fiend, alcoholic, but was clean for 10 years, via AA, when we split. So, I would say the new bf was a downward lateral move.
Back to my 4th step. So, I know what I don't want. right? Not much experience actually entertaining thoughts of some different type of guy, because I am all caught up in my bf and his trials and tribulations. Had no contact with bf for almost one month, as he is using (crack) and drinking.
Last night I get a call from someone. He is "incredibly attracted to me". He really wants to get to know me. Can I meet him for a drink? He is NOT a substance or alcohol abuser and I am a "cheap" date, not an addict or alch. to substances, just to men. Guess what, I forget to ask my HP for? NOT MARRIED! I explain to this guy that he has a baby and 2 kids and a wife and his life is tough financially right now, and he thinks I might be fun but I am not going to ride this horse. That I want a man who is physically and emotionally available. THat I had never considered, nor would I ever consider, a married guy. Who would have thunk? I told him I was flattered and he said I shoudn't be flattered, he really wants me to know how I feel. Told him if his wife joins us, I would be happy to meet him for a date!
Back to my 4th Step. Really have to think this one through. I know eventually G-d will put someone in my life who is deserving of all that I have to give and someone who can take care of me and be there for me. I no longer want to be the only caretaker, adult in the relationship. I have a son to take care of. Not a man.
and I am not rushing for a guy. The phone call made me smile. I choose to believe it is G-d telling me eventually the right guy is going to come into my life. Meantime, I am on the alert on how to avoid the others.
Had a rough afternoon yesterday missing my ch bf. but knowing that his HP is working through him, and sometime believing that he may some day recover, or not. I hate this disease. I love the man, but the man is strictly a vessel for the substances, and I am too smart to think I rank anywhere close to that. my name is not "Euphoria".

NC Girl

NC Girl.

11-05-2009, 09:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
ncgirl Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26	Law of Attraction So, I am finishing my Alanon 4th Step after 4 years. I am supposed to write out what it is I want in an ideal mate/spouse. How bout not alcoholic or addict. My sponsor says that is the bare minimum, I should shoot for the stars for everything I want, not everything I don't want. So, I am thinking about this ideal mate. I met my exhusband when I was 17 and we divorced a few years ago, when I was 45. Met my ex boyfriend during the last few years of my marriage. My husband was not sharing a bed with me for 7 years and the new boyfriend started out as a friend, and progressed after I split from my husband. New boyfriend, who is not my ex, is a ch and a. My ex was a pill fiend, alcoholic, but was clean for 10 years, via AA, when we split. So, I would say the new bf was a downward lateral move. Back to my 4th step. So, I know what I don't want. right? Not much experience actually entertaining thoughts of some different type of guy, because I am all caught up in my bf and his trials and tribulations. Had no contact with bf for almost one month, as he is using (crack) and drinking. Last night I get a call from someone. He is "incredibly attracted to me". He really wants to get to know me. Can I meet him for a drink? He is NOT a substance or alcohol abuser and I am a "cheap" date, not an addict or alch. to substances, just to men. Guess what, I forget to ask my HP for? NOT MARRIED! I explain to this guy that he has a baby and 2 kids and a wife and his life is tough financially right now, and he thinks I might be fun but I am not going to ride this horse. That I want a man who is physically and emotionally available. THat I had never considered, nor would I ever consider, a married guy. Who would have thunk? I told him I was flattered and he said I shoudn't be flattered, he really wants me to know how I feel. Told him if his wife joins us, I would be happy to meet him for a date! Back to my 4th Step. Really have to think this one through. I know eventually G-d will put someone in my life who is deserving of all that I have to give and someone who can take care of me and be there for me. I no longer want to be the only caretaker, adult in the relationship. I have a son to take care of. Not a man. and I am not rushing for a guy. The phone call made me smile. I choose to believe it is G-d telling me eventually the right guy is going to come into my life. Meantime, I am on the alert on how to avoid the others. Had a rough afternoon yesterday missing my ch bf. but knowing that his HP is working through him, and sometime believing that he may some day recover, or not. I hate this disease. I love the man, but the man is strictly a vessel for the substances, and I am too smart to think I rank anywhere close to that. my name is not "Euphoria". NC Girl NC Girl.