| 3 weeks into relapse
I was 100 days into my sobriety and I think I know what happened. Everything was going well till about 75 days in, then everything started to pile up. With each new issue, all the other problems became inflated and exaggerated in my mind. I was sitting next to the “F**k it switch” waiting for the next thing to tip me over the edge. It was like I was anticipating it, almost hoping for it; that final drop in the bucket that could be used to justify a full blown relapse. OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! Sheesh! In three weeks I have ruined my budget, screwed up repaired relationships, screwed up new and healthier relationships, lost weight, screwed up at work, screwed up my hopes for an occupation change, and my self-esteem absolutely crumbled. I was certain that I would have stopped sooner, but I kept telling myself, “well, you’ve come this far, one more day can’t hurt.” Then, the cravings would become as intense as they were when I quit after several years of heavy drinking. I need help to stop. I can’t do it on my own and I have been stressed about returning to AA. This place is what initiated my sobriety last time, so I am back looking for support. I can’t live like this. When I drink I am a completely different person. I am bipolar, so when I drink I go off my medications because of the negative interaction, then I just get worse. Three weeks is all it took. Thank you for reading. My best,
Brokenhalo
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