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Old 11-05-2009, 06:52 AM   #5 (permalink)
incitingsilence
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 102
Blog Entries: 1
As the wife of a recovering heroin addict I totally agree with this….

Quote:
My advice would be to genuinely ask him that you just want to understand what he's doing and that the lying makes you uncomfortable. If he decides to tell you it would not be a good time to get sanctimonious or passive-aggressive. Do not begin the dialogue by firing from a moral high ground or you are going to cause resentment and make him feel as though you are treating him like a child and he's still going to do it anyway, in fact if it were me I would do it simply out of spite. I've found that if you really try to listen to someone and comprehend without a judgmental attitude it is much easier to objectively understand what is happening. If he still decides he doesn't want to tell you then that's the end of it, he's an adult and is entitled to privacy. I don't really think that it's worth ruining a marriage over because it's really not that big a deal but if you find it so reprehensible that you need to leave, then you can still do that. I'm not trying to be confrontational, I'm just trying to give you advice that may lead to constructive adult dialogue instead of conflict and screaming matches.

Sounds like opiates, but then does it matter what he is taking as it is obvious he is altered…

What are you fears in this, what is it that upsets you when he uses….

And I could add in

Is he meeting his responsibilities…
Is he emotional and physically available…
Do you got out together, does he go out with friends…
Does he have passions ( his stuff ) in daily life and is he still engaging in them….

A yes to these would be good…

Is money missing, are things missing…
Does he talk in a comparing out way…I am not as bad as
Is there a lot of blame on others when he speaks…

A yes to these not so good, but still you won’t know what is up truly…

I wish you the best!
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That is all it will take, one minute. Your eyes will open all too widely as you realize the sky didn’t just fall, but had been crumbling steadily all along. That what was under your feet were the stagnant remnants of disregarded chances.
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