Jo, all that stuff that's going through your head could probably be helped if you worked the steps with a sponsor......... My head used to do the works on me and now I have tools for coping. No more wine for this gal!!!
You can keep doing what you're doing, maybe it will work for you. However, my thought is, if you do nothing eventually you'll convince yourself it's ok and you'll be back at it.
The two things I suggest to every new comer on this site is the same thing, get a sponsor and work the steps.
