SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Vintersemestre · 11-05-2009, 05:13 AM

My primary physician wanted me to try different narcotics for my condition because he was very curious about some facts I showed her about oxycodone differing significantly from others due to it's chemical similarity to endogenous human endorphin (the total or near total absence of which being my condition). It's very unfortunate that many people have lived with this for years without diagnosis or treatment and rather strange because it's not really that uncommon as far as uncommon ailments go; and endogenous opioid-peptide dysfunctions are in most cases clinically verifiable, although in a somewhat crude fashion as far as observing exactly what is happening goes, through the miracles of nuclear medicine via a test known as a SPECT scan. However due to my inexplicable aversion to having my face violently electrocuted or my skull cracked open and the contents butchered by some arrogant bourgeoisie psycho on methamphetamine (when asked why I might find this totally unnecessary in a condescending and accusatory manner as though my unwillingness were obviously the product of insane schizophrenic paranoia I informed him that he can feed his zombies with someone else's brains) it's the best thing available and is logically rather conclusive through a process of comparison and specific tests done by a neurologist.

Now I take oxycontin 10mg twice a day and it basically controls the condition to the point where I don't suffer from any of the debilitating symptoms at all, I had initially started at 20mg twice a day but began feeling slightly overmedicated after a few months. Back to the point, they wanted me to try other ones and observe what happens to me and I was told to skip an oxycontin dose before I came to the hospital to make sure the receptor binding sites were clear. This isn't a problem because the symptoms don't return immediately, they tend to begin appearing after about three days and gradually worsen until they baseline at their most severe after about two weeks and stay that way.

They first gave me fentanyl which I can only describe as "unpleasant". Thoroughlly and totally not pleasant. I felt very peculiar, disoriented and confused and could not think clearly. I'm fairly certain that is not something I could or would want to acclimate to. After it wore off and I felt normal again they gave me morphine orally which was even worse. It is a terrible feeling of heaviness, drowsiness with thinking muddled and ponderous to the point where I felt like a total imbecile, any "euphoria" that I experienced was quickly dashed when I realized I was so impaired that I had to mentally walk myself through the process of picking up a cup and drinking water.

My question is is this the "high" that people describe?? I can't fathom how anyone could possibly find that pleasant. Maybe because of my condition I don't experience it like a normal person would but that is NOT what happens when I take my normal medication, not even close at all. I have never in my life experienced anything so awful and draining. Is this what it was like for you and if so what did you get out of this continuous experience and how, while you were doing, did you find it to have such a positive effect on your psychology that you continued doing it for so long? This may seem like a dumbass question but I just really cannot comprehend that THAT was what all the fuss is about. I'd rather dodge oncoming traffic on a bicycle than repeat that fiasco.

11-05-2009, 05:13 AM	#1 (permalink)
Vintersemestre Mysteria Magica Maxima Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 843 Blog Entries: 5	ugh My primary physician wanted me to try different narcotics for my condition because he was very curious about some facts I showed her about oxycodone differing significantly from others due to it's chemical similarity to endogenous human endorphin (the total or near total absence of which being my condition). It's very unfortunate that many people have lived with this for years without diagnosis or treatment and rather strange because it's not really that uncommon as far as uncommon ailments go; and endogenous opioid-peptide dysfunctions are in most cases clinically verifiable, although in a somewhat crude fashion as far as observing exactly what is happening goes, through the miracles of nuclear medicine via a test known as a SPECT scan. However due to my inexplicable aversion to having my face violently electrocuted or my skull cracked open and the contents butchered by some arrogant bourgeoisie psycho on methamphetamine (when asked why I might find this totally unnecessary in a condescending and accusatory manner as though my unwillingness were obviously the product of insane schizophrenic paranoia I informed him that he can feed his zombies with someone else's brains) it's the best thing available and is logically rather conclusive through a process of comparison and specific tests done by a neurologist. Now I take oxycontin 10mg twice a day and it basically controls the condition to the point where I don't suffer from any of the debilitating symptoms at all, I had initially started at 20mg twice a day but began feeling slightly overmedicated after a few months. Back to the point, they wanted me to try other ones and observe what happens to me and I was told to skip an oxycontin dose before I came to the hospital to make sure the receptor binding sites were clear. This isn't a problem because the symptoms don't return immediately, they tend to begin appearing after about three days and gradually worsen until they baseline at their most severe after about two weeks and stay that way. They first gave me fentanyl which I can only describe as "unpleasant". Thoroughlly and totally not pleasant. I felt very peculiar, disoriented and confused and could not think clearly. I'm fairly certain that is not something I could or would want to acclimate to. After it wore off and I felt normal again they gave me morphine orally which was even worse. It is a terrible feeling of heaviness, drowsiness with thinking muddled and ponderous to the point where I felt like a total imbecile, any "euphoria" that I experienced was quickly dashed when I realized I was so impaired that I had to mentally walk myself through the process of picking up a cup and drinking water. My question is is this the "high" that people describe?? I can't fathom how anyone could possibly find that pleasant. Maybe because of my condition I don't experience it like a normal person would but that is NOT what happens when I take my normal medication, not even close at all. I have never in my life experienced anything so awful and draining. Is this what it was like for you and if so what did you get out of this continuous experience and how, while you were doing, did you find it to have such a positive effect on your psychology that you continued doing it for so long? This may seem like a dumbass question but I just really cannot comprehend that THAT was what all the fuss is about. I'd rather dodge oncoming traffic on a bicycle than repeat that fiasco.