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Originally Posted by Mandjas  I will be moving back to the other side of the world early next year and your reality is my biggest fear. I have thought about it on many occassions and wondered if she did this would I go back and try to fix it. In my mind I say no, I have to detach and cannot get on the merry go round of denial anymore but I know my heart would want to go and rescue her. |
Hi Amanda,
My heart goes out to you - it is hard to have your life on the other side of the world, and be displaced to care for an alcoholic parent. I feel so guilty, because if she had something like cancer, - I would OF COURSE come home and take care of her. (Well, not like I didn't come home for this, but it is much more begrudgingly, which I feel just awful about).
I have started to go to counselling, and the counsellor suggested I tell my Mum that I am angry at her, and that I won't come home again for this. So, I did. I told her that I loved her, that I want to help her, but that I am angry as well and that it is hard for me to just leave my husband and life for an alcoholic mother. Then I told her I would not be coming home again for anything to do with her alcoholism. If she attempts suicide again, I will not come.
It helped me to say that out loud. And I am determined that I won't. I know it will be hard.
I hope you will be able to be strong too. You have a family that you need to love and protect, - and your Mom can't be a part of that if she is not sober. That's not fair on you. That must be a really hard thing for you.... sorry you have that to deal with too.
I told my Aunt last night about what has been going on (MORTIFYING, to tell people you have been hiding this from! But, surprisingly really amazing) - and she asked me how long has it been like this. My sister and I had just talked about that.... and were surprised to realise that it has been our whole lives. It's strange to think that it takes someone or something for the light to go on, and then you're left with the ''wwwhhhoooaaaaa" - wow, now what?
Good luck, Amanda - I hope your journey to recovery is successful. And I hope you will stay in touch too. I hope your move back to 'the other side of the world' goes well - and that you enjoy getting back to your own life.
xx DD