SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Payton · 11-04-2009, 12:04 PM

Hi everyone,

I just wrote a very long post, but then the connection died out and it was erased! I will keep it simple this time.

I've lurked for a long time here and I am really impressed with this community.

Today is Day 1 for me of no alcohol. I do not have a dramatic story of chaos and destruction, but alcoholism is rampant in my family, and I am afraid I am (or am becoming) dependent.

I am a daily drinker (1-2 drinks on weeknights and more on weekends) and the daily "should I or shouldn't I?" dance I start at about 5 pm every day is stressful and anxiety-provoking for me. Going without is uncomfortable for me. That's a bad sign. I have stressed a lot about whether or not what I'm doing isn't good. I finally realized that if I'm stressing this much, it means there's a problem. The amount of angst I'm having over wanting to drink all the time versus worrying about it is not good.

Sometimes my head tells me wouldn't it be nice to have a drink when I'm home on my lunch hour, wouldn't it be nice to have a mimosa, etc. Things that I KNOW are insane and have never, ever done - but it freaks me out that "someone" in my head makes the suggestion.

I tend toward binge drinking too - no huge episodes in the past year, but I have some pretty bad episodes in the past - and it's a sometimes a real struggle to limit myself.

Anyway, I think at heart I am probably an alcoholic, just right now one who is not very far in progression. Why not stop now before anything in my life is affected negatively?

I am also in a very solid recovery from bulimia and SI. Life is really good right now - I have a fantastic husband, good job, I'm in school, extremely healthy. I just do not want drinking to become any more a presence in my life than it already is, and I see it heading in a not so good direction. I am afraid of the potential.

The greatest challenge in my life right now is a horrible struggle with infertility that has been very, very difficult. I think the nail in the coffin was an article I read yesterday that the woman having just 4 drinks a week decreases the odds of success for IVF. We are going to try IVF in 2010, and I can't think of a better time to get my life completely together.

I just told my husband and he is supportive.

I don't know why I picked today and I'm not sure what to expect, but it just feels right. Thank you for reading.

11-04-2009, 12:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Payton Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Posts: 84	Introduction Hi everyone, I just wrote a very long post, but then the connection died out and it was erased! I will keep it simple this time. I've lurked for a long time here and I am really impressed with this community. Today is Day 1 for me of no alcohol. I do not have a dramatic story of chaos and destruction, but alcoholism is rampant in my family, and I am afraid I am (or am becoming) dependent. I am a daily drinker (1-2 drinks on weeknights and more on weekends) and the daily "should I or shouldn't I?" dance I start at about 5 pm every day is stressful and anxiety-provoking for me. Going without is uncomfortable for me. That's a bad sign. I have stressed a lot about whether or not what I'm doing isn't good. I finally realized that if I'm stressing this much, it means there's a problem. The amount of angst I'm having over wanting to drink all the time versus worrying about it is not good. Sometimes my head tells me wouldn't it be nice to have a drink when I'm home on my lunch hour, wouldn't it be nice to have a mimosa, etc. Things that I KNOW are insane and have never, ever done - but it freaks me out that "someone" in my head makes the suggestion. I tend toward binge drinking too - no huge episodes in the past year, but I have some pretty bad episodes in the past - and it's a sometimes a real struggle to limit myself. Anyway, I think at heart I am probably an alcoholic, just right now one who is not very far in progression. Why not stop now before anything in my life is affected negatively? I am also in a very solid recovery from bulimia and SI. Life is really good right now - I have a fantastic husband, good job, I'm in school, extremely healthy. I just do not want drinking to become any more a presence in my life than it already is, and I see it heading in a not so good direction. I am afraid of the potential. The greatest challenge in my life right now is a horrible struggle with infertility that has been very, very difficult. I think the nail in the coffin was an article I read yesterday that the woman having just 4 drinks a week decreases the odds of success for IVF. We are going to try IVF in 2010, and I can't think of a better time to get my life completely together. I just told my husband and he is supportive. I don't know why I picked today and I'm not sure what to expect, but it just feels right. Thank you for reading.