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veryregretful · 11-04-2009, 07:25 AM

LTD - I have to learn not to project my emotions onto my children. I did that already when me and AH spoke and he said he was not going to stop drinking because I was trying to control him. I came home and help my daughter and cried. She thought I was annoying which is fine because it put me into perspective that these are 14 year old kids and I knew right away I shouldn't have done that. I should have just went into my room and cried into the pillow.

I'm going to leave the book on the coffee table, bathroom, kitchen counter. Make it available for them to read if they would like to. The can glance at it. I definately do not want to put my codependant behaviors toward them. They need a functional mom who can set a good example. I promised my daughter i'd take her to a movie and I did just that last night even though I was exhausted. I was actually falling asleep watching the movie. I get up and 3:30am and don't go to bed till 9:00 so it's a long day. I don't want to make promises to them and can't keep them.

This weekend I have an opputunity to hang out with the girls from work. I mentioned I only own one pair of jeans so we'll probably go find jeans on sale and get me another pair. I'm already feeling guilty about going out with the girls but I need to do this for myself. I know the guilty I"m feeling is the codie in me. My daughter had said to me when my AH asked if last saturday i would hang out with them while he had a couple drinks that I should because it was something to do. I wouldn't hang out with him while he was drinking anyways because that's the reason he is not in the house. But I think even she notices that I don't do anything for myself andthat I need to do just that. I'm going to make sure the kids are all set. If they are hanging out with friends, making sure they are safe or just staying in. That's fine. At this second I can feel the guilt rising and want to cancel on Friday. It would only be probably like 4:00pm to about 9:00pm. Probably mall walk and go to dinner. I need this but the guilt is going to kill me that I'm not doing anything with the kids or not being home while they are there.

tonight my AH is supposed to be taking my daughter to dinner. we'll see if he follows through. I'll prepare my daughter in case he bails so she won't be as disappointed.

Do you think maybe I suggest he take both kids out together. I feel if he shows up for my daughter I think my son might have some sort of feelings like he can show up for my daughter but not me. I also think with the two kids together might be easier because they don't have to go alone and they have each other.

Is it being selfish of me to want to go out with the girls from work on Friday night for a few hours? I don't want to be selfish but I think to go out with adults and have a little laughs may be good for my soul and well being.

Thanks for the response and looking forward to the replies.

11-04-2009, 07:25 AM	#4 (permalink)
veryregretful Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: ashamed ville Posts: 311	LTD - I have to learn not to project my emotions onto my children. I did that already when me and AH spoke and he said he was not going to stop drinking because I was trying to control him. I came home and help my daughter and cried. She thought I was annoying which is fine because it put me into perspective that these are 14 year old kids and I knew right away I shouldn't have done that. I should have just went into my room and cried into the pillow. I'm going to leave the book on the coffee table, bathroom, kitchen counter. Make it available for them to read if they would like to. The can glance at it. I definately do not want to put my codependant behaviors toward them. They need a functional mom who can set a good example. I promised my daughter i'd take her to a movie and I did just that last night even though I was exhausted. I was actually falling asleep watching the movie. I get up and 3:30am and don't go to bed till 9:00 so it's a long day. I don't want to make promises to them and can't keep them. This weekend I have an opputunity to hang out with the girls from work. I mentioned I only own one pair of jeans so we'll probably go find jeans on sale and get me another pair. I'm already feeling guilty about going out with the girls but I need to do this for myself. I know the guilty I"m feeling is the codie in me. My daughter had said to me when my AH asked if last saturday i would hang out with them while he had a couple drinks that I should because it was something to do. I wouldn't hang out with him while he was drinking anyways because that's the reason he is not in the house. But I think even she notices that I don't do anything for myself andthat I need to do just that. I'm going to make sure the kids are all set. If they are hanging out with friends, making sure they are safe or just staying in. That's fine. At this second I can feel the guilt rising and want to cancel on Friday. It would only be probably like 4:00pm to about 9:00pm. Probably mall walk and go to dinner. I need this but the guilt is going to kill me that I'm not doing anything with the kids or not being home while they are there. tonight my AH is supposed to be taking my daughter to dinner. we'll see if he follows through. I'll prepare my daughter in case he bails so she won't be as disappointed. Do you think maybe I suggest he take both kids out together. I feel if he shows up for my daughter I think my son might have some sort of feelings like he can show up for my daughter but not me. I also think with the two kids together might be easier because they don't have to go alone and they have each other. Is it being selfish of me to want to go out with the girls from work on Friday night for a few hours? I don't want to be selfish but I think to go out with adults and have a little laughs may be good for my soul and well being. Thanks for the response and looking forward to the replies.