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flutter · 11-03-2009, 08:05 PM

Well this is going to probably sound stupid.. and I never start new threads, so bear with me while I try to be concise and at the same time try to get out what happened here. Nothing bad, it's ok

So apparently (those of you who use Tmobile know this already) my cell network is down. Has been for like 3 hours. I have no land line. Knowing that my hubby would worry that he can't reach me, and also knowing that he wouldn't have thought to google or something to find out that the entire network is down, I react by emailing him, sms texting him.. changing my facebook status, to reflect that there's an issue and I can't be reached. No biggie. I could care less, honestly.. I hate the phone anyways.

So I'm chillin.. eating a snack, go to put laundry away and my doorbell starts going out of control, and the knocks and kicks at my door are enough to about make me jump out of my skin. I put down what I'm doing, go answer the door, by then I just KNEW it was my parents. They live about 10 min from here..

What happened next, was what has happened to me a dozen times in the past..usually when I got too drunk to answer the phone, or felt like not answering because I was drunk and didn't want anyone to know. My parents were here, of course to check on me, he had called them.. he was worried about me, I am 35 weeks pregnant after all.

Did they think I was drinking? My mom looked at me when I finally opened the door, the same exact way she used to look at me to see if she could tell that I'd been sipping vodka all day. That searching of my eyes, and I could tell she was so hoping not to find, smell, notice anything 'off'.

I haven't had a drink since December 17th of last year.. this shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. I swear it's like some sort of post trauma disorder.. after I reassured them that I was fine, and 'proved' to them that the network was down.. after I talked to my hubby from THEIR phone, and told him to check his email because he had probably a dozen or so from me about the phone issue.. and my parents left, relieved for many more reasons than they will ever admit to me, I cried. I don't know why.. I'm still crying.

My life 'back then', when this 'omg something's wrong with Jess go check on her' thing was routine.. was horrifying. Even in such an innocent and silly situation.. it brought me back to a place that I only see now in my nightmares, and only remember with a shudder.

Maybe I'm just being pregnant and hormonal.. but that really sucked.

Thanks for letting me spill this here.

11-03-2009, 08:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
flutter Living sober since 12/08 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 2,217	Ghosts from the past.. Well this is going to probably sound stupid.. and I never start new threads, so bear with me while I try to be concise and at the same time try to get out what happened here. Nothing bad, it's ok So apparently (those of you who use Tmobile know this already) my cell network is down. Has been for like 3 hours. I have no land line. Knowing that my hubby would worry that he can't reach me, and also knowing that he wouldn't have thought to google or something to find out that the entire network is down, I react by emailing him, sms texting him.. changing my facebook status, to reflect that there's an issue and I can't be reached. No biggie. I could care less, honestly.. I hate the phone anyways. So I'm chillin.. eating a snack, go to put laundry away and my doorbell starts going out of control, and the knocks and kicks at my door are enough to about make me jump out of my skin. I put down what I'm doing, go answer the door, by then I just KNEW it was my parents. They live about 10 min from here.. What happened next, was what has happened to me a dozen times in the past..usually when I got too drunk to answer the phone, or felt like not answering because I was drunk and didn't want anyone to know. My parents were here, of course to check on me, he had called them.. he was worried about me, I am 35 weeks pregnant after all. Did they think I was drinking? My mom looked at me when I finally opened the door, the same exact way she used to look at me to see if she could tell that I'd been sipping vodka all day. That searching of my eyes, and I could tell she was so hoping not to find, smell, notice anything 'off'. I haven't had a drink since December 17th of last year.. this shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did. I swear it's like some sort of post trauma disorder.. after I reassured them that I was fine, and 'proved' to them that the network was down.. after I talked to my hubby from THEIR phone, and told him to check his email because he had probably a dozen or so from me about the phone issue.. and my parents left, relieved for many more reasons than they will ever admit to me, I cried. I don't know why.. I'm still crying. My life 'back then', when this 'omg something's wrong with Jess go check on her' thing was routine.. was horrifying. Even in such an innocent and silly situation.. it brought me back to a place that I only see now in my nightmares, and only remember with a shudder. Maybe I'm just being pregnant and hormonal.. but that really sucked. Thanks for letting me spill this here.