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Originally Posted by daydream

I thought I must be so crazy, so defective, that I was incapable of understanding how bad I was that drove them to treat me so badly.

You didn't deserve that treatment, didn't cause the treatment, and can't change how they treat you. I believe that you are understanding things perfectly. However, what you seem to be having a hard time with is facing the reality of how bad they treated you. You need to start learning to trust yourself and nevermind what they have to say b/c they are wrong. Abusers are master-manipulators. One thing that might help you see it from the big picture better is to ask yourself, "If I saw someone in the same situation as me, what would I say to them? Would I tell them they are crazy or tell them their parents are abusive and crazy?" Part of them wanting to convince you that nothing happened was so that you would play into their little game and facade. It truly is about them and it NEVER has been about you. I exactly know how you feel and you're not alone.

I have no doubts about what happened. My memories are clear. But my head often says that it wasn't a big deal, that maybe I'm over-reacting, that it wasn't that bad. They've told me so many times how good they were that it makes me question myself. And here I sit once again, feeling very tempted to apologize for upsetting her so I can have my family back. That's what my mother wants me to do. She wants me to cower down and recant, while SHE, will NEVER admit any wrongdoing.

It is easier to just give in and go alone with what they want to get the monkey off our backs. It helps ease our pain, but in a way, this will never allow us to heal. If the only reason why you may be considering giving in and apologizing is b/c you are afraid to be alone--that is not a good reason to be around someone. You should be around someone because they build you up as a person and make you feel good and because you want to be. They shouldn't beat you down with a sledgehammer everytime you voice your concerns or have an opinion about something that differs from them. That is an abusive relationship--mentally and emotionally.

Do you guys have these doubts? Do you ask yourself if it was really that bad? Do you ask yourself if there's something wrong with YOU that has invented things that didn't really happen? Do you wonder if somehow you really were so messed up that you were incapable of understanding that you drove them to abuse you? That you made them do it?

Of course...it is only natural to doubt ourselves when our family of origin tells us such. We are supposed to listen to what they have to say and value it. However, a family of origin who is abusive is not someone worth taking seriously. It has taken me a long time to realize this b/c I didn't want to be alone...I didn't want to be the "bad daughter", and I knew all of the negative repercussions that would follow by "not going along with the flow and what they want." I really had to prepare myself to separate my self from them..be prepared for the manipulation tactics and make sure that I had at least 1 or 2 people that I could go to for support.

Don't buy into their crap. What they did was awful to you and no body knows it BUT YOU. Don't let them destroy any faith and confidence that you have in yourself....don't let them accomplish that goal. Without faith in ourselves...what do we have? (I do believe in a higher power, but that higher power gives me the strength and hope to believe in myself).

Take care and God Bless you. :praying