[stg1979]

I have a long story, but I will try to condense it for the sake of anyone who is reading this.

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. I once gave him the "ultimatum" to quit drinking or quit us. To my surprise, he quit drinking and stayed sober for a while. I was naive in thinking he could do this without help. Last weekend he got drunk. When he drinks, it is a classic case of Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. He goes from a loving, caring, sweet, respectful, plugged-in boyfriend, to being down-right mean. A long story short (since I am sure we all know the story...person gets drunk, thinks irrationally, fight blows out), he pushed me and a few minutes later slapped me. He didn't cause me any pain, but the fact that he did it at all was 110% not ok. 911 had to be called to have him removed since he was not leaving on his own and my children were due back from their fathers at any time.

He has been staying at his moms and we have been in contact over the phone only (we have not seen each other). Of course he has made the "I'm sorry. It will never happen again. I will change" yadda-yadda-yadda speech. His words mean nothing to me, and I told him that (in a lot more words, of course). I told him if he is really truly sorry, and really wants us to work, then he needs to get help for himself before I can allow him back into my house with my children. I also told him he would have to continue getting help until I felt 100% confident that I would not be putting my children or myself in harms way to have him here. I also told him HE has to get help, I will not get it for him. I will support him, I will go with him to AA meetings, but I will not do it for him. (He has been seeing a counselor for a few months to deal with other issues, and I told him he needs to talk about this issue/incident specifically with his counselor as well as everything else he is working on with her). I have taken care of him in the past (cooking for him, keeping track of dr.s appointments, picking out clothes when he needs to be dressy, etc.), which I don't mind. That has always been a 2-way street with us. But this one is his battle, not mine.

I am 100% set that if he fails to do what I need him to do then I will wipe my hands clean of this relationship and move on. It is so hard to not let him back here right this second. I love him to death, and I know if he can overcome this and get the help that he needs, we can have a happily-ever-after. Everything else about our relationship is perfect (ok, not perfect. Of course we have our ups-and-downs, but we can work through our issues with mutual respect, which I believe is a huge part of what makes our relationship so strong).

I joined this forum to keep the strength I have right now to make sure I don't allow him back here until he is ready to come back. I also want to know if I am doing the right thing. I know it's hard to get an accurate assessment from a group of strangers who do not know the whole situation and do not know us, but I also know you all have experience with this. Any words of encouragement, advice, even criticism, is greatly appreciated. (So much for keeping is short, huh).

:praying