SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

tiedmyself2tite · 11-03-2009, 04:10 PM

hey my name is ryan. i'm 28. from georgia. here's my deal: used to be a heroin addict. i got off heroin with methadone. been off methadone over 2 years. of course instead of going 12 step or getting support in any way i started drinking. i've been drinking pretty heavily for the last few years and recently had a breakup with a serious girlfriend due to my drinking and it sent me off the deep end. after about 3 weeks of serious binge drinking i had an epiphany and realized that it needs to stop. last night i drank a few beers just to not shake and did not sleep at all. i'm scared of going to a detox program or a real live meeting. i already did it all before and the talking helped but i was really always turned off by the setting. i found talking about it online helped and there was a period of about 4 months when i was kicking methadone and xanax addiction that i wasn't drinking a whole lot. a beer or 2 every few days. but the girl i was with drank more and the more time we spent the more i drank. she eventually stopped drinking without a problem (guess she doesn't have those addiction genes like i do). i was not able to do the same and that ended our relationship. of course part of me wants to stop drinking to fix the relationship. but i want to do something with my life. i've been going through the steps to get into the military. scored a 92 out of 99 on my entrance exam but i'm starting to feel like i'm too old for any jobs that are available. i used to write so much. and i was a good writer. my friends loved reading what i wrote but i haven't written anything worth a crap in a few years and that scares me. i want to fill up composition notebooks every couple of months with beautiful words like i used to but i can't even force myself to write anything meaningful. or that feels meaningful. i don't have a sobriety date because i'm still not sober. i drank one beer today just to make the shakes and sweats stop. no i won't sleep tonight but at least i'm not miserable. sort of want to go to detox but they'll just give me a benzodiazapine which i've had my problems with already. i just want to talk to people. i need support. my ex is supporting me as much as she can in our fragile relationship but i don't have anyone else's and that's why i came here. i guess that's it for now. talk to you guys later!!!

11-03-2009, 04:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
tiedmyself2tite Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: augusta ga Posts: 7	hi everyone! hey my name is ryan. i'm 28. from georgia. here's my deal: used to be a heroin addict. i got off heroin with methadone. been off methadone over 2 years. of course instead of going 12 step or getting support in any way i started drinking. i've been drinking pretty heavily for the last few years and recently had a breakup with a serious girlfriend due to my drinking and it sent me off the deep end. after about 3 weeks of serious binge drinking i had an epiphany and realized that it needs to stop. last night i drank a few beers just to not shake and did not sleep at all. i'm scared of going to a detox program or a real live meeting. i already did it all before and the talking helped but i was really always turned off by the setting. i found talking about it online helped and there was a period of about 4 months when i was kicking methadone and xanax addiction that i wasn't drinking a whole lot. a beer or 2 every few days. but the girl i was with drank more and the more time we spent the more i drank. she eventually stopped drinking without a problem (guess she doesn't have those addiction genes like i do). i was not able to do the same and that ended our relationship. of course part of me wants to stop drinking to fix the relationship. but i want to do something with my life. i've been going through the steps to get into the military. scored a 92 out of 99 on my entrance exam but i'm starting to feel like i'm too old for any jobs that are available. i used to write so much. and i was a good writer. my friends loved reading what i wrote but i haven't written anything worth a crap in a few years and that scares me. i want to fill up composition notebooks every couple of months with beautiful words like i used to but i can't even force myself to write anything meaningful. or that feels meaningful. i don't have a sobriety date because i'm still not sober. i drank one beer today just to make the shakes and sweats stop. no i won't sleep tonight but at least i'm not miserable. sort of want to go to detox but they'll just give me a benzodiazapine which i've had my problems with already. i just want to talk to people. i need support. my ex is supporting me as much as she can in our fragile relationship but i don't have anyone else's and that's why i came here. i guess that's it for now. talk to you guys later!!!