[megan09]

Hi all. I am myself a recovering alcoholic (3 and 1/2 years clean). A year ago I ended 9 year relationship with my alcoholic partner. When push came to shove he choose the booze over me and our 4 year old son. We had drank together for 7 years; as u can imagine it was very volatile and we were constantly splitting up. Eventually we lived in 2 separate homes, although my 'fantasy' was that he would clean up and we would once again live together. How could I have been so stupid? He has a new gf now, and has not seen our son in 6 weeks. I feel as if the man I loved did not really exist, only this 'creature' who is like a stranger to me. He is surrounded by enablers, both his so-called friends and his family; I was the only one to confront him so I guess I had to go. He has, of course, painted himself whiter-than-white to them, and has blamed me for everything! I am having counselling and am attending Al-Anon, and have no contact with him at this point. I am having a hard time dealing with the rejection; my counsellor says my core issue is the belief that I am not good enough. Even though I have this illness myself I still am having a really hard time accepting what has happened. I am better than I was, and I have faith that I will get through and will have learned some really important lessons, but I would like to hear from other people who have been affected by their partner's alcoholism. At times he made me feel so loved, at other times though, so worthless. He abandoned me emotionally and physically many, many times until I couldn't take the pain anymore and ended the relationship. I know a part of me hoped that he would see sense, but he hasn't done so and shows no sign of wanting to look at himself. I now need to move forward. Thanks.