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amp1976 · 11-02-2009, 10:38 AM

Just a little background...been married 10+ years to a functioning alcoholic, 2 kids (old enough to know that dad drinks too much), and basically we have a great life except for the alcoholism thing...

Over the weekend, my 7 year old told me that dad drank "two of those little bottles" before driving them to dinner. I have never asked my kids if dad has been drinking, I don't know why. Maybe because it would force me to accept something that I have always known (that he drinks and drives with them in the car). Maybe because I don't want to make them feel bad for telling on their dad. He drinks every day on the way home from work, hides it from me as best he can, but has admitted that he drinks more than I suspect. So anyway, I had no other choice but to give him the big ultimatum. I was and still am prepared to follow through. He, of course, choose to leave rather than quit, said he couldn't promise me that he would stop drinking, but he could promise to leave.

My problem now is that he said he's considering renting a house nearby (we live in a small foothill community, away from town where we both work), so he can be close for the kids. Well the whole freaking point of him leaving is because he's putting the kids in danger. I love him and am genuinely sick of being the wife of an alcoholic, but at least with him here I can supervise to a point and we can share the good times that we do have. I work nights and will have to totally change my life to accomodate the lack of a co-parent in the house, which probably means a pay cut. Of course, all of this I can deal with, even though it breaks my heart. The point is, so he leaves, but then will have the kids at another house, being soley responsible for them. This subject came up and he said that I can't keep them from him, so what's the point of having him leave?

Any comments? I dont want this to be ugly, honestly we are past all that. There are a multitude of lies that are typical of an alcoholic, but no denial of the problem or the magnitude. It's all on the table. He refuses an in patient rehab because of his job and the fact that he doesn't think that would stop him. He wants to quit (someday), but has no confidence in his abiliity. ERRRRRR, this is really killing me, I need some advice from someone who has been there....

11-02-2009, 10:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
amp1976 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Fresno, CA Posts: 4	Ultimatum is backfiring on me... Just a little background...been married 10+ years to a functioning alcoholic, 2 kids (old enough to know that dad drinks too much), and basically we have a great life except for the alcoholism thing... Over the weekend, my 7 year old told me that dad drank "two of those little bottles" before driving them to dinner. I have never asked my kids if dad has been drinking, I don't know why. Maybe because it would force me to accept something that I have always known (that he drinks and drives with them in the car). Maybe because I don't want to make them feel bad for telling on their dad. He drinks every day on the way home from work, hides it from me as best he can, but has admitted that he drinks more than I suspect. So anyway, I had no other choice but to give him the big ultimatum. I was and still am prepared to follow through. He, of course, choose to leave rather than quit, said he couldn't promise me that he would stop drinking, but he could promise to leave. My problem now is that he said he's considering renting a house nearby (we live in a small foothill community, away from town where we both work), so he can be close for the kids. Well the whole freaking point of him leaving is because he's putting the kids in danger. I love him and am genuinely sick of being the wife of an alcoholic, but at least with him here I can supervise to a point and we can share the good times that we do have. I work nights and will have to totally change my life to accomodate the lack of a co-parent in the house, which probably means a pay cut. Of course, all of this I can deal with, even though it breaks my heart. The point is, so he leaves, but then will have the kids at another house, being soley responsible for them. This subject came up and he said that I can't keep them from him, so what's the point of having him leave? Any comments? I dont want this to be ugly, honestly we are past all that. There are a multitude of lies that are typical of an alcoholic, but no denial of the problem or the magnitude. It's all on the table. He refuses an in patient rehab because of his job and the fact that he doesn't think that would stop him. He wants to quit (someday), but has no confidence in his abiliity. ERRRRRR, this is really killing me, I need some advice from someone who has been there....