[kv816]

He called me one more time last night right after I went to bed. I think I handled myself well; I feel pretty confident anyway.

He said he was tired of this fighting and it needs to stop. I said I agree. He asked how we do that. I said couples counseling or rehab (said for the umteenth time). Surprisingly, this time he didn't fire off about it. He said his anger and disappointment was that I lied to him. I repeated that I did not lie to him. I said I understand that he wants and should be able to believe what a 10 year old says but the fact is she did not see me do anything with anyone because it didn't happen. I'm not calling her a liar, I'm sure she did see someone with someone but it wasn't me. He just did his usual sarcastic "yeah". I said you say you believe me but you also believe her. You can't do that. I said if you want this to work then you are going to believe me and accept that she saw someone but it wasn't me. He was quiet.

He said it didn't matter anymore. I said it does matter to me. I have not done anything that he and his sisters claim I have and I will not live a life defending myself over things that never happened. He has to work on his insecurity, self-esteem and paranoia or this relationship has failed permanently. He asked if I love him as much as I always said I did then why would I be willing to throw everything away over something like this. I told him it's because I want to give my everything to someone who will accept it. We started going in circles then....but I did accept that you give me your everything, no you don't because you believe your cousin and niece saw me first all over then hugged up on then just a hi hello haven't seen you in forever kind of hug with someone, oh but a 10 yo wouldn't lie, I think she did see someone but it wasn't me, yeah whatever.

I ended the call by saying I love you but if you don't trust me then it doesn't matter how much I love you. I am making an app for couples counseling this week and I'll be going to an open AA meeting on Wednesday and Saturday night. Call me when you want to come with me. Good night.

He hung up on me.

Did I handle that okay? Was I demanding? In a way I kind of feel like I was because again it comes out like "you do this or this or this is what happens". Again I don't mean to sound like an ultimatum but I'm not doing this up and down anymore. He tried every quack in the book but I kept thinking of every post on here where everyone finishes with "stay strong" or "stick to your guns".

But I do feel good about it. And I will not be calling him today. I will not ask him again for counseling or rehab. I will wait. I will stay strong and stick to my guns. I am okay without him and I don't need what's been going on. Yesterday I was upset because I felt like I was being punished for something I didn't do. But today I feel good because I don't care what other people say about me if I know the truth.

I'm going to have a good day today. I'm going to laugh and smile and talk to people. I'm going to take my dogs for a walk tonight. I'm going to make an awesome, hot dinner (poor kids had pizza rolls Saturday and hot dogs last night). I'm going to watch tv and enjoy the show. And I will not pick up my phone to call him.