You are indeed very right, this is very tough! 5th week of no contact and the silence is unbearable at times.
My dad came to watch my son play soccer of Sat morning for the first time, which was really nice to see him. We didn't talk about my mom, as it wasn't the right time but he did mention to my husband that he tried to get her there but it wasn't going to happen! Not sure what he meant by that?? But I guess it re-emphasises that she may well not want to speak to me again.
In the past she has gone for long periods of time without speaking to me - generally over the most stupid reasons! She didn't speak to my eldest brother for 10 years because he wouldn't get out of bed when he was back from uni on spring break. A mixture of both of their stubbornness led to it. I have been the less stubborn one and always go back with my tail between my legs and apologising my way back in to her life.
I am really torn, most of the time I think that she is an adult and she has to make amends or contact us when she wants to see my son - under the guidelines that I have stipulated (basically no drinking).
At other times I think that she might think that I am being spiteful and manipulative and that's why she hasn't made contact with us, and that I need to explain to her and reassure her that I'm not. Almost like I feel the need to clear up this whole ugly mess because believe me she is hurting real bad at the moment.
If this is a disease and she is in pain, aren't my actions making her feel worse?
I have made my point now, with taking access to my son away - is it time to talk?? Will it do any good?? Will I be falling back in to the same old pattern of seeking her approval all over again? Will she just end up abusing my trust again if she seems ok now but falls off the wagon in the future?
I know am obsessing AGAIN but she is my mom and I do love her and acre about her welfare. BUT I love my son and his welfare more
