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Old 11-01-2009, 09:05 AM   #1 (permalink)
LBW
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 91
People drinking in front of me

I had a Halloween party last night at my house. It was three couples and their children between the ages of 2 and 4. I am pregnant so I didn't even have the choice of drinking. This makes it alot easier to abstain.

However, this is the first drinking event I've been to (let alone hosted) since I decided that I would continue to NOT drink even after the baby is born. Before, when I knew in the back of my mind that I could drink again once the baby was born, it was much easier. This time it was hard... at first.

When I was getting ready for the party, there were many things that did not go as planned. My 2 year old refused to wear the halloween costume he picked out and was excited about before. He also wouldn't let me paint his face. He threw temper tantrums all day and refused a nap. He wouldn't eat any of the nutritious food I made him. My husband kept disappearing for most of the day --making himself unavailable to help me clean. When he was around, he was rude to me. My sister was supposed to come over early to help me cook but she couldn't.

Then my husband cracked a beer and sat down to watch the football game. It hit me that if I were drinking too, I would be in the greatest mood in spite of all this. Not that I wanted to right then, I was pregnant.... but I mean, in the future, how could I NOT drink during times like this. This was supposed to be fun... a party. I started thinking the party was going to suck. I was going to be miserable.

Before people arrived, my husband also told me about the night before. We had met my entire family for dinner. 18 people all together. It was my mom's side, the non-alcoholic side. Now my husband tells me something I didn't notice.... everyone was drinking wine. My aunt had 3 glasses and announced she wasn't driving. (I didn't see that). My uncle was slurring when we were leaving. (I didn't notice that either). My other aunt had 2 glasses and looked tipsy. Everyone else only had 1.

When everyone arrived at my party, the men made margaritas. Everyone started drinking. Ok, so now I'm really starting to convince myself that maybe one day I can handle drinking again. Maybe I'm no worse than all these other people. My family, all these couples...

BUT that was the last I thought about. I got really busy with the kids and before long I was laughing. The whole group went trick or treating. My son didn't have a costume but he wore a halloween shirt... and he was adorable. I had a great time.

Afterwards, we came back to my house and I served dinner. Then the women continued to play with the kids and the men watched football. My son had the best time! He was shaking with happiness at times. All the kids did... and that made me SOOOO happy to watch.

When everyone left, I thought about the drinking thing again. Only one woman drank, and it was 1 glass of wine. The men drank for the first half of the evening but then all stopped after dinner. No one was drunk in the slightest.

If I had not been pregnant and had this same party... I would have pounded beers and thought everyone else was just as into drinking as me. I wouldn't have eaten all the food I spent the day preparing because I would be drinking. I would have continued drinking after everyone else stopped. I would have said stupid things I would later regret. My husband would tell me the next day how bad I was slurring. I would have continued drinking after everyone had left. I don't know how late I would have stayed up because I would eventually blackout. I would have eaten in this drunken state and got food everywhere, probably left food out that should have been in the fridge. I might have drunk emailed or something. I wouldn't have cleaned up after the party... it would have been a mess. I would have a terrible hangover the entire next day -- throwing up all day long. The mess would continue to get worse. My son would be ignored. I would hate myself.

If I drank with my family the night before, I might not have drank alot at the restaruant but if I started drinking there I would have continued afterwards. I'm sure no one else did that.

That's the difference between me and normal people who drink. It's sometimes hard to tell the difference when people have their first drinks... but when they stop drinking, it is obvious how different I am. I would have kept going.

Today I feel good. It was a great party. I am in a great mood. My house is cleaned up. I'm going to have a great day with my son. I'm trying to hold onto this feeling... to remember the lessons of this party. I know when I am no longer pregnant, I will be tempted... and I won't have a pregnancy to prevent me. It will be all up to my desire to stay sober.
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