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Dreamer42long · 10-31-2009, 10:17 PM

I am new to SR and have an ABF who binge drinks. Binge drinking is very difficult to deal with because most of the time, he’s sober. When he’s sober, he’s quiet, kind, loving, romantic, and generous. However when he drinks, it’s excessive (a bottle of Vodka and a case of beer in 3 days) and he turns from a prince into a pr***k in every sense of the word. He’s never been physically abusive, but he is vulgar and verbally abusive. He’s lost many jobs because of his drinking. His family doesn’t want to deal with the problem. They tolerate it and enable him. I’ve tried countless times to get his family to help me do an intervention, but they won’t. They say he doesn’t need rehab, he needs therapy, which he absolutely refuses. Believe me I’ve tried. Besides, because he’s a binge drinker, he could easily sail through the 28 days of sobriety in a rehab and make everyone think that he doesn’t have a problem.

Each time he emerges from one of his binges, he swears it off for good and acknowledges that he knows it’s going to kill him and that he’s sick of being sick all the time, etc. So I believe him. But something always triggers another binge.

The most difficult thing for me has been trying to “get back to normal” after one of his binges. He expects me to act like nothing is wrong and expects me to “perform.” After 4 years of this roller-coaster, I finally got to the point where I couldn’t anymore. I figure, “what’s the use?” Everything finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago. He came down from one of his binges and came over my house. He stayed a couple of days, constantly trying to get physical. I tried to explain to him that I just couldn’t because of this problem. After 4 days of persistently trying to get physical and ignoring my feelings, he went back to his house. He lives between his house and mine (his house when he’s binging, mine when he’s not).

My roller coaster ride peaked last Thursday, when he called me at work telling me (or should I say yelling at me) that he was just at my house, took all his stuff and is leaving because he “can’t take my crap anymore!” And yes, he was drunk. For the next few days, he kept calling, always drunk, accusing me of cheating on him, telling me that my family hated him, and saying the most hurtful things he could think of. I was devastated. “After everything I’ve done for him!” I thought.

Then I found SR and started reading. My eyes have been opened and my heart may still be heavy and sad, but I now feel a sense of comfort that I have never felt in these 4 years. I suddenly feel like there may be hope for me and that I don’t have to take his behavior anymore.

I’ve made notes in my journal of several things that have been posted here because they are so inspirational. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to visit SR regularly to get the nourishment that I so desperately need to feed my soul and get my life back.

Thank you everyone! I'm trying to climb into the lifeboat and now I am hopeful that I will make it!

10-31-2009, 10:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
Dreamer42long Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Long Island, NY Posts: 75	Is there room in this lifeboat for me? I am new to SR and have an ABF who binge drinks. Binge drinking is very difficult to deal with because most of the time, he’s sober. When he’s sober, he’s quiet, kind, loving, romantic, and generous. However when he drinks, it’s excessive (a bottle of Vodka and a case of beer in 3 days) and he turns from a prince into a pr***k in every sense of the word. He’s never been physically abusive, but he is vulgar and verbally abusive. He’s lost many jobs because of his drinking. His family doesn’t want to deal with the problem. They tolerate it and enable him. I’ve tried countless times to get his family to help me do an intervention, but they won’t. They say he doesn’t need rehab, he needs therapy, which he absolutely refuses. Believe me I’ve tried. Besides, because he’s a binge drinker, he could easily sail through the 28 days of sobriety in a rehab and make everyone think that he doesn’t have a problem. Each time he emerges from one of his binges, he swears it off for good and acknowledges that he knows it’s going to kill him and that he’s sick of being sick all the time, etc. So I believe him. But something always triggers another binge. The most difficult thing for me has been trying to “get back to normal” after one of his binges. He expects me to act like nothing is wrong and expects me to “perform.” After 4 years of this roller-coaster, I finally got to the point where I couldn’t anymore. I figure, “what’s the use?” Everything finally came to a head a couple of weeks ago. He came down from one of his binges and came over my house. He stayed a couple of days, constantly trying to get physical. I tried to explain to him that I just couldn’t because of this problem. After 4 days of persistently trying to get physical and ignoring my feelings, he went back to his house. He lives between his house and mine (his house when he’s binging, mine when he’s not). My roller coaster ride peaked last Thursday, when he called me at work telling me (or should I say yelling at me) that he was just at my house, took all his stuff and is leaving because he “can’t take my crap anymore!” And yes, he was drunk. For the next few days, he kept calling, always drunk, accusing me of cheating on him, telling me that my family hated him, and saying the most hurtful things he could think of. I was devastated. “After everything I’ve done for him!” I thought. Then I found SR and started reading. My eyes have been opened and my heart may still be heavy and sad, but I now feel a sense of comfort that I have never felt in these 4 years. I suddenly feel like there may be hope for me and that I don’t have to take his behavior anymore. I’ve made notes in my journal of several things that have been posted here because they are so inspirational. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to visit SR regularly to get the nourishment that I so desperately need to feed my soul and get my life back. Thank you everyone! I'm trying to climb into the lifeboat and now I am hopeful that I will make it!