SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Divorcing Your Parents

sograteful · 10-31-2009, 05:40 PM

Welcome StellaBlu --and Dothi, your message touched my heart.

I divorced my alcoholic mom just over one year ago. I've started compling my 'family of choice' --along with my husband....and we're moving forward in that direction. It was either stay and be around her drinking and keep myself in a depressed/negative state most of the time....OR 'divorce' and be HEALTHY....and be able to move forward with my husband and our chosen family and friends. I could no longer allow her to stifle our lives.

It was a difficult decision, came after many sessions in therapy...and still stings. But wow...I feel so much lighter in my load.

We tried to have a semi-relationship with my codependent/enabling father --but that's proving not to work out. Sadly. But my therapist reminds me often, it's impossible to have a real relationship with just one person --and if the other is 'stuck' in alcholism or codependency, they aren't actually participating in our 'relationship'.....it makes sense, of course. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I will say, even with the sadness and the pain, it's the best thing that I've ever done for myself. I hope she one day gets help, gets healthy and lives life....but I have absolutely ZERO control over whether that will actually happen or not. I couldn't keep 'waiting' for it and keeping my own life stifled. For how long? For ever? Noway. My husband and I have forged ahead. We have amazing holidays with our chosen family. We have extremely deep and healthy relationships with our chosen family. We are so lucky, I can't even begin to tell you...

Good luck to everyone who is in limbo ---setting boundaries is the best place to start. The decisions aren't easy. There's no way I would have been able to make them --or even understand them--without the help of an amazing addiction therapist.

All the best to everyone. +++ thoughts always.

10-31-2009, 05:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
sograteful Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 13	Welcome StellaBlu --and Dothi, your message touched my heart. I divorced my alcoholic mom just over one year ago. I've started compling my 'family of choice' --along with my husband....and we're moving forward in that direction. It was either stay and be around her drinking and keep myself in a depressed/negative state most of the time....OR 'divorce' and be HEALTHY....and be able to move forward with my husband and our chosen family and friends. I could no longer allow her to stifle our lives. It was a difficult decision, came after many sessions in therapy...and still stings. But wow...I feel so much lighter in my load. We tried to have a semi-relationship with my codependent/enabling father --but that's proving not to work out. Sadly. But my therapist reminds me often, it's impossible to have a real relationship with just one person --and if the other is 'stuck' in alcholism or codependency, they aren't actually participating in our 'relationship'.....it makes sense, of course. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. I will say, even with the sadness and the pain, it's the best thing that I've ever done for myself. I hope she one day gets help, gets healthy and lives life....but I have absolutely ZERO control over whether that will actually happen or not. I couldn't keep 'waiting' for it and keeping my own life stifled. For how long? For ever? Noway. My husband and I have forged ahead. We have amazing holidays with our chosen family. We have extremely deep and healthy relationships with our chosen family. We are so lucky, I can't even begin to tell you... Good luck to everyone who is in limbo ---setting boundaries is the best place to start. The decisions aren't easy. There's no way I would have been able to make them --or even understand them--without the help of an amazing addiction therapist. All the best to everyone. +++ thoughts always.