I think it's impossible to feel remorse if I am always blaming someone else for my resentments, my choices, my actions and reactions, and the quality of my life.
That way my choices are never my fault therefore never my responsibility, so how could I possibly feel remorse for something that's obviously someone else's fault.
I don't think practicing alcoholics have a monopoly on that, as a matter of fact it seems the norm in this forum, although him hiding his beer is a good example of what it looks like when an alcoholic does so, I'm sure he blames that on you, and not on his drinking. So he blames you and probably has a huge resentment because he has to hide his drinking when in fact this is a direct result of his own choices? That seems so silly doesn't it? to blame someone else for the choices HE makes in his own life and then get angry at them for it.
sounds vaguely familiar somehow though.......blaming someone else for the consequences of the choices he makes in his own life...can't quite put my finger on why that seems so familiar here.....
Try reading the alcoholism forum, you will find remorse by the truckload from newer people, especially the ones that can't stay sober, the rest of them appear to be working on themselves and improving their lives and repairing their relationships with those around them.
You will also learn that one of the reasons alcoholics drink is to keep the remorse at bay, which is caused by drinking.
Here is a post by an woman that was a regular poster
here at friends and family of Alcoholics from a few days ago, it appears she actually possesses human emotions such as remorse:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...36-failed.html
Originally Posted by
Cath1029 
Ever feel like the purpose of your life is basically to serve as a warning to others?
Addiction, codependency, abuse, loneliness...all of it will get you in the end. And sometimes you will even welcome it when it does.
Not much else to say. Not the time to feel sorry for myself, play the victim, or ask why. I know why. Because of my own bad choices and decision making and just being a really sick person. I have been given the opportunity to start over more times than I can count, and every time I have let my various addictions get in my way and let down family, friends and myself.
I appreciate everyone who has supported me, and I'm sorry for those who feel burned. I've burned so many people. It's what I've become. I'm selfish. Sure, I talk a good game, but never follow through.
I've given birth to 3 beautiful children who are still young and need to grow, not one of whom is with me now, and there's a good reason for that. Maybe drinking vodka at 10 in the morning has something to do with it. Maybe exposing them to an abusive environment with an AH who is just as sick as I am. Maybe all of the above and more. I guess it's good that I have the sense to know they shouldn't be with me, but it's not what I had planned on when bringing them into this world.
I know a lot of people struggle. Many are strong, smart, reach out for what is offered and survive and even give back. I've seen it lots of times, and it is beautiful to see. I hope that is the case for each and every one of you. There are some wonderful people here who have made it and who are closer to making it every day.
I have always loved being here. It just gets harder to justify my own behavior and complain about the same things over and over, waste people's time and then not even listen to the powerful words shared with me. This place has helped a lot of people, and I know that will continue for a long time. I have a lot of love for you guys.
Originally Posted by
Cath1029 I am responsible 100% for the choices I have made. It just feels like getting messed up right now makes them not hurt so much.
Yesterday was my daughter's 3rd birthday. She is with AH's family. They are Jehovah's witnesses and don't celebrate birthdays. I'm sure there wasn't a cake or party or presents for her. I'm not able to wish her a happy birthday because of their fear of my voice upsetting her. I asked to come and see her for her birthday, but sis-in-law told me it was "too soon." My sons begged me to bring them to see her so they could celebrate her birthday with her, and I couldn't let them. How am I supposed to live with myself?
My first husband told me I am disgusting and don't deserve the title of mother. He said I should take my kids off my FB page. He called me a selfish bitch. Can't argue with him. He told me to just stay with AH and leave the kids alone. I was supposed to take them trick-or-treating, but he took that away and is sending them to his sister's instead. Of course, he said I could drive them over there so it would help him out.
So much hate for myself. Can't live with it.
So do alcoholics feel remorse?
very much so
Does your husband?
I couldn't tell you
Do you think she is making the choice to lose her children? That she actually has the power of choice?
She says she does but what mother would choose her addictions over her three children if she hadn't lost the power of choice?
How about you, do YOU feel any remorse for any bad decisions you have made, can you relate to someone who just does the same thing day after day after day and is miserably unhappy but doesn't know what's wrong but just keeps doing the same thing anyway even though people who know the answers are saying "here's the door, here's the key to recovery, grab on"
Maybe to feel remorse you have to feel empathy first?
Recovery from alcoholism and codependency both work the same way, they both started working when I began to take responsibility for myself and the consequences of my own decisions, not blaming others for my difficulties, and trust me, as an alcoholic I could give you ten yards in the fifty yard dash in the self justification department and be across the finish line smoking a cigarette while you are just getting a head of steam up.