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StellaBlu · 10-31-2009, 02:14 AM

I don't know where to begin.

My grandfather was an alcoholic. He drank Jack Daniels even after he was diagnosed with diabetes and emphysema and was buried with a bottle in his casket (his wishes). My father suffered physical abuse from him and then married my mother - a codependent/enabler turned alcoholic.

Although I cannot remember my father excessively drunk very many times in my life, he was mean and violent as well as condescending and belittling to me. My mother pretended and still pretends that she didn't know about the abuse that my older sister and I suffered from him.

My therapists have labelled my mother an addict. But my mother will be sure to quote from a website which defines an alcoholic as someone who drinks some specified daily amount of alcohol with which she is below (other drugs notwithstanding and this doesn't include her drug dealing boyfriend either).

Like the other members of this forum there were defined roles in my family. My role was the scapegoat. It has been difficult. I think that my sisters are in denial about the level of dysfunction and abuse that existed and exists in our family. This denial extends to my aunts, uncles, cousins and surviving grandparents.

Throughout my life I have often felt alone, confused and frustrated. I've spent untold hours rehashing events and conversations in my mind while trying to figure out how to communicate things to family members. Because as a scapegoat EVERYTHING you do or say or don't do or don't say can be used against you.

This is a long post. Thanks for reading this.

10-31-2009, 02:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
StellaBlu Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Utah Posts: 10	This is why I'm here I don't know where to begin. My grandfather was an alcoholic. He drank Jack Daniels even after he was diagnosed with diabetes and emphysema and was buried with a bottle in his casket (his wishes). My father suffered physical abuse from him and then married my mother - a codependent/enabler turned alcoholic. Although I cannot remember my father excessively drunk very many times in my life, he was mean and violent as well as condescending and belittling to me. My mother pretended and still pretends that she didn't know about the abuse that my older sister and I suffered from him. My therapists have labelled my mother an addict. But my mother will be sure to quote from a website which defines an alcoholic as someone who drinks some specified daily amount of alcohol with which she is below (other drugs notwithstanding and this doesn't include her drug dealing boyfriend either). Like the other members of this forum there were defined roles in my family. My role was the scapegoat. It has been difficult. I think that my sisters are in denial about the level of dysfunction and abuse that existed and exists in our family. This denial extends to my aunts, uncles, cousins and surviving grandparents. Throughout my life I have often felt alone, confused and frustrated. I've spent untold hours rehashing events and conversations in my mind while trying to figure out how to communicate things to family members. Because as a scapegoat EVERYTHING you do or say or don't do or don't say can be used against you. This is a long post. Thanks for reading this.