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dolce7dolore · 10-30-2009, 10:53 PM

Well, it's probably more like won't. This will be probably my lightest thread here, so that's probably a good thing.

What I'm having problems with isn't my parents (I feel content with that for now), but the behavior they've given to me, and the way I interact with others. I know that accepting help is hard for we ACoAs. Accepting help means you give someone the chance to be there for you, and we've learned that others CAN'T be there for us, so we don't give these chances. We tend to not let people be there for us because it's easier than being let down. I know all of this, but I still have problems. I can't even accept help for the smallest of things...

I actually am a rather sociable person (I can't do intimacy, but I can do the acquaintance thing very well), and awhile ago I met this guy at an extracurricular activity thing. It's for a language course, and I bluntly asked him if he tutored (I need as much help as I can get), thinking he probably did. He didn't, but he offered to help me anyway. He did sound enthusiastic, but I thought it was just one of the socially polite moments. Then a week later, he brought it up again. I told him I would pay him, but he refused. I was under the impression that he may have been attracted to me, and so it really did (and still does) feel like I am using him. So even after his second offer, I didn't really take him up on it until a friend pushed me to ask him (one of those... I thought the other person was supposed to talk about it moments). So I texted him about it, and he called me about 30 minutes later.

So we ended up having a tutoring session and I paid him with some stuff that I baked. He was overwhelmed and said it was payment for like three more sessions. I kept making a fuss about how badly I was feeling for "using" him. He had to say both that I shouldn't make such a big thanks about it, since I really was, and that if he really didn't want to be there, he would have made excuses like not having enough time. These are things I KNOW, things that I pick up on, yet I still feel bad accepting help with nothing in return. It's such an unfathomable concept to me. Honestly that feeling makes me uncomfortable.

10-30-2009, 10:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
dolce7dolore Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: CO Posts: 72	I can't accept help... Well, it's probably more like won't. This will be probably my lightest thread here, so that's probably a good thing. What I'm having problems with isn't my parents (I feel content with that for now), but the behavior they've given to me, and the way I interact with others. I know that accepting help is hard for we ACoAs. Accepting help means you give someone the chance to be there for you, and we've learned that others CAN'T be there for us, so we don't give these chances. We tend to not let people be there for us because it's easier than being let down. I know all of this, but I still have problems. I can't even accept help for the smallest of things... I actually am a rather sociable person (I can't do intimacy, but I can do the acquaintance thing very well), and awhile ago I met this guy at an extracurricular activity thing. It's for a language course, and I bluntly asked him if he tutored (I need as much help as I can get), thinking he probably did. He didn't, but he offered to help me anyway. He did sound enthusiastic, but I thought it was just one of the socially polite moments. Then a week later, he brought it up again. I told him I would pay him, but he refused. I was under the impression that he may have been attracted to me, and so it really did (and still does) feel like I am using him. So even after his second offer, I didn't really take him up on it until a friend pushed me to ask him (one of those... I thought the other person was supposed to talk about it moments). So I texted him about it, and he called me about 30 minutes later. So we ended up having a tutoring session and I paid him with some stuff that I baked. He was overwhelmed and said it was payment for like three more sessions. I kept making a fuss about how badly I was feeling for "using" him. He had to say both that I shouldn't make such a big thanks about it, since I really was, and that if he really didn't want to be there, he would have made excuses like not having enough time. These are things I KNOW, things that I pick up on, yet I still feel bad accepting help with nothing in return. It's such an unfathomable concept to me. Honestly that feeling makes me uncomfortable.