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A good trick I learned in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is to turn "shoulds" into "wills."
"I should have gone back to school in 1999 when I first looked into it!"
"I will take a class next month and see how I like it."
"I should have recognized how toxic this relationship was years ago!"
"I will make an effort to be mindful of my gut feelings and not minimize other people's bad behavior."
"I shouldn't have cried like a baby when I saw my sister!"
"I will allow myself to feel whatever emotions come naturally. I will look at my past behavior with compassion for where I was at in that moment."
Y'know - like that! Gets me out of the "beat myself to a pulp" mode and into a more active stance towards my life.
BS08 - it sounds very intense what's coming up for you! keep an open mind, about yourself and about your family.
Louise Hay's affirmations REALLY help me when I am just on the edge and in a total panic -- unless I am falling off a cliff I can always say (out loud or in my mind) "I am safe. All is well." Sometimes I have had to repeat this a thousand times to myself in order to calm my nerves. It does work...if I work it!
"I thought I should be happy now that this is happening."
"I will be open to whatever feelings come my way and maybe just be curious about what is in store and who these people are to me now."
Maybe keep a journal handy - to unload your observations and feelings.
Good luck BS08 (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
you are being very brave!
peace-
b
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