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usedupdaughter · 10-29-2009, 08:13 PM

Hi. I've been lurking here for a while, and have drawn strength -and inspiration from the posts I've read here.

I'm the oldest daughter of a 70+ plus AM, who up until the past several years was a functioning AM. The wheels have come off that one, and I've been struggling with this for the past several years. She acknowledges she's an alcoholic, but she doesn't want to stop drinking. So I'm trying to learn to live with the 3 C's, and recognize that this is her decision. I have the Book about Co-dependant no more, and it has changed my whole perspective on this.

So why now, tonight? I had a gut wrenching conversation with my 29 yr old son about his AGM, and he's thinking that I've written her off the planet. But mom, she's so alone, and she feels as if she's fighting this on her own. He's well intentioned - and I am very proud of him, but it's messing with my head.

When she was released from rehab in May, I told her on that afternoon that she was released that I was done with cleaning up her messes. I drew a boundary, and she's continuing to drink - so yes, she's alone.

I'm having a hard time detaching from this for my own sanity, and yet continuing to love her. I feel I'm stuck - and for someone who doesn't cry more than once or twice a year, the tears are pouring down my face again tonight.

I went to 1 alanon meeting about 3 years ago - I sobbed for about the first 45 minutes before I began my introduction, only to be informed that I was an enabler, so that's what my problem is. Truthfully, that was a complete turnoff. (I don't even live in the same town as Mom, so how can I be an enabler???)

Any words of wisdom to share - I feel like I'm about 100 years old, and about 3000 lbs heavy.

10-29-2009, 08:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
usedupdaughter Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 4	new here... Hi. I've been lurking here for a while, and have drawn strength -and inspiration from the posts I've read here. I'm the oldest daughter of a 70+ plus AM, who up until the past several years was a functioning AM. The wheels have come off that one, and I've been struggling with this for the past several years. She acknowledges she's an alcoholic, but she doesn't want to stop drinking. So I'm trying to learn to live with the 3 C's, and recognize that this is her decision. I have the Book about Co-dependant no more, and it has changed my whole perspective on this. So why now, tonight? I had a gut wrenching conversation with my 29 yr old son about his AGM, and he's thinking that I've written her off the planet. But mom, she's so alone, and she feels as if she's fighting this on her own. He's well intentioned - and I am very proud of him, but it's messing with my head. When she was released from rehab in May, I told her on that afternoon that she was released that I was done with cleaning up her messes. I drew a boundary, and she's continuing to drink - so yes, she's alone. I'm having a hard time detaching from this for my own sanity, and yet continuing to love her. I feel I'm stuck - and for someone who doesn't cry more than once or twice a year, the tears are pouring down my face again tonight. I went to 1 alanon meeting about 3 years ago - I sobbed for about the first 45 minutes before I began my introduction, only to be informed that I was an enabler, so that's what my problem is. Truthfully, that was a complete turnoff. (I don't even live in the same town as Mom, so how can I be an enabler???) Any words of wisdom to share - I feel like I'm about 100 years old, and about 3000 lbs heavy.