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Originally Posted by Mandjas  You know this is my 4th week with no contact with my mother and the rollercoaster in my head continues.
My husband and son have gone away for a few days, to join his sister on a short break (I couldn't go as I have no leave left this year). I find myself sitting here alone with my thoughts and I feel so very desperate. I keep bursting in to tears for no reason? I was so upbeat yesterday and nearly never went to Ala-non because I was feeling good. What a difference a day makes!
I feel so lonely and am having irrational thoughts of what would l do if my husband or son weren't around? Even panicing that something might happen to them while they are away. Why do I insist on punishing myself so much? I know these thoughts aren't healthy but I can't stop the chatter in my head. |
The roller coaster is one thing Al-Anon (or your program of choice) will help with.
Back when my wife was drinking -- a period we now refer to, in-house, as the Bad Old Days™ -- and before I had a program, I used to say that our relationship was "like being on a V-Max with a stuck throttle. (A V-Max is an extremely fast motorcycle that can get your license pulled in the blink of an eye, if you don't behave yourself.)
Generally, when things are driving me nuts -- which still happens more often than it should despite the XIV medallion in my pocket (which doesn't mean doo-doo if you don't work the program!) -- what's usually happening is that I'm obsessing over things that are out of my hands. A lot of people like to phrase Step 1 as meaning that we are "powerless over people, places, and things." This is pretty much true. But it's easy to start obsessing about them, nonetheless. Not sure if that's what's going on here, but it sounds like it might be.
Do you have any of the daily meditation books? "One Day At A Time in Al-Anon," the blue one, is good, as are "Courage to Change" and "Hope for Today." If your meeting sells these books, try one -- I like to keep one onmy desk and read a meditation or two at lunchtime... or anytime, for that matter!
T