[Sugah]

I dated a man when I had about a year sober and he had ten years. I had a sponsor, had done formal step work with her, had a service position, etc. I had tried dating a few months before (another guy in the program about two years sober) and it was a disaster. Thankfully, he lived far enough away that we didn't run into each other.

Well, I thought we'd been open enough with each other that we knew what we wanted, knew what we didn't, and were honest with each other about it. He wasn't looking for something serious, he told me. We were good friends--with benefits, of course. When he was ready to settle down, he'd be looking for someone who could do the kinds of things he liked to do--trout fishing, scuba diving--and that I couldn't because of disabilities.

Long story short, over the course of four or five months, we were on again/off again as his on-line dating efforts yielded a couple of women more suited to his interests. Maybe I was an idiot in taking him back, but really? I didn't care. I was no more looking for something serious with him as he was with me.

But the problem was--he did consider us to be serious, at least when we were together. I finally broke it off, and for six weeks after, every Sunday morning, a dozen roses appeared on my front porch. He bought a brand new Harley. He quit going to meetings.

So, it wasn't me, the relative newcomer who fell apart afterward. It was him, so I can't speak to the place where you find yourself. My suggestion would be to stay close to the god of your understanding, your sponsor, and your meetings. Inside those rooms, we're all just 'one of,' just alcoholics. The insanity ends when you use the tools -- and do the next right thing. One foot in front of the other, and walk through it.

Peace & Love,
Sugah