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I could use some help here. I am new and can't post to individuals. I wrote out a very long post, but then lost it. A sign from God, maybe. So I'll be brief.
I have been sober a long time. I have been divorced for almost 3 years. During that time I began a 2nd Bog Book 4th step to uncover more heidden gems. I got lonely and self-centered about 8 months ago and tried on-line dating. There is no one around here for me to date. After fending off a lot of people who wanted me to help them get sober, I did decide to take one relapser to a meeting. They formed an instant and obsessive bond with me. They stayed sober and got a sponsor. I had to disconnect fot 2 months so they could settle. Then we resumed a frienship. They wanted more but were satisfied with friends, although I see now that they were simply waiting for me to change my mind.
I have never ever dated someone I consider a newcomer. It was unthinkable. But this person proceeded to "court" me in a way I have never experienced. I, unsoundedly and selfishly, came to decide that their proposal of friends with benefits would be okay. I thought I could do it. Halfway through the benefits I freaked and cried and apologozed and we parted friends.
From that moment on, it has been nothing but a freak show. I have never experienced the insanity show I am now amid. I am concluding, by putting pieces together of history that they have shared, that they are suffering from love addiction, as well.
I realize that this event is my fault and I take full responsibility. I do feel duped, but it is still my responsibility. My question is, what do I do in the aftermath of the abhorent wreckage that is being made of both my life and my AA world? The other question is, am I a love addict, too? I think I have relationship issues, which I am working on, but does this situation mean I am an obssessive love addict, as well>
Serious help only, please. I already know I am a bad person for doing this. No inventory taking needed. Thanks.
mcasey
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