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Gmoney · 10-25-2009, 10:30 AM

Hi Nick,

Welcome to SR and living life on it's own terms.

There may not be anything I can say to help you get through the feelings you have at this moment. Relationships can be a pretty tough area for anyone - regardless of time clean or recovery. But what I can share with you is some of my own personal experience, and maybe you can see from it what you need to see in order to get to the other side and move forward.

I was once obsessed with the breakup of a relationship. We were together for over a decade. I thought I was in love and planned to spend my life with this woman. Things changed. Events happened. I was heartbroken and depressed. I medicated the pain and blamed the world for my dilemma.

It was only after I got clean and began working the steps that I was finally able to see the part that I played in my self-imposed pain. I learned to accept that we weren't together because we weren't supposed to be. I learned how to stop blaming her for being human. I learned that I wasn't as good or as bad as I thought I was. I forgave myself for placing unrealistic expectations on her, as well as myself. And I learned how to let go. Today...it's almost 15 years later and we're the best of friends. We both grew up.

NA has given me the opportunity to find a new way to live. No more blaming. No more self-pity. No more manipulation. No more getting clean for all the wrong reasons. No more lying. The steps are the solution - they're for MY personal recovery (for which I am responsible). My 4th step wasn't about what others did to me or didn't do for me...it was about discovering who I am and getting to the exact nature of MY wrongs. From that point I was able to begin living in the solution instead of living in the ultimate problem (ME).

Keep coming back & don't use no matter what.
More will be revealed.

G

10-25-2009, 10:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
Gmoney Evolving Addict Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York State Posts: 2,426	Hi Nick, Welcome to SR and living life on it's own terms. There may not be anything I can say to help you get through the feelings you have at this moment. Relationships can be a pretty tough area for anyone - regardless of time clean or recovery. But what I can share with you is some of my own personal experience, and maybe you can see from it what you need to see in order to get to the other side and move forward. I was once obsessed with the breakup of a relationship. We were together for over a decade. I thought I was in love and planned to spend my life with this woman. Things changed. Events happened. I was heartbroken and depressed. I medicated the pain and blamed the world for my dilemma. It was only after I got clean and began working the steps that I was finally able to see the part that I played in my self-imposed pain. I learned to accept that we weren't together because we weren't supposed to be. I learned how to stop blaming her for being human. I learned that I wasn't as good or as bad as I thought I was. I forgave myself for placing unrealistic expectations on her, as well as myself. And I learned how to let go. Today...it's almost 15 years later and we're the best of friends. We both grew up. NA has given me the opportunity to find a new way to live. No more blaming. No more self-pity. No more manipulation. No more getting clean for all the wrong reasons. No more lying. The steps are the solution - they're for MY personal recovery (for which I am responsible). My 4th step wasn't about what others did to me or didn't do for me...it was about discovering who I am and getting to the exact nature of MY wrongs. From that point I was able to begin living in the solution instead of living in the ultimate problem (ME). Keep coming back & don't use no matter what. More will be revealed. G __________________ "As addicts, we have an incurable disease called addiction." - Basic Text, 5th Ed.