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I'm so sorry, Mandjas. I know it's so difficult. I used a letter to set my boundaries, too. I haven't spoken to my mother in over two years. We have had random email conversation but it comes and goes like the wind --and it never has any depth. My father (so codependent) didn't speak to me for over a year either.....
It's so hard. I hurts. I remember what you're feeling ---the beginning is the worst. One piece of advice I'll always remember from my therapist --you can't have a real relationship with an alcoholic anyways. And you can't have a real relationship with just one person (YOU)....so what you're missing is all superficial. I know that may be hard to hear --especially with a child/grandson involved. But unfortunately it's true.
Alcoholics always choose alcohol over everything else, not just you. It hurts, it's hard to understand....and of course we can't get it ---we aren't alcoholics--thank goodness for that!!
You've spoken about the elephant on the table ...and she doesn't like it. You have to keep your expectations in check so that you aren't continually disappointed. By the time I had the courage to set my boundaries, my therapist had helped me get my expectations to nearly zero --but it still pained me. There's no way to avoid all pain. There are days when it still hurts like mad.....but for me, it's way better than the alternative. Her disease no longer infringes on my life. For me, that's empowering. That's letting go with love.
You can do this. Good luck to you.
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