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Originally Posted by Mandjas  How can she really choose alcohol over her own daughter and grandson, how could she be that cold? Why can't I just get on with it and think to myself well stuff her then? |
Oh, this part is soo hard. In response to your first question, the flippant but true answer is because she's an alcoholic, and alcohol always comes first. But in all seriousness, I think the important answer is that it's NOT because of you or your little one. She's not capable or not willing right now to make the choices that she would need to to have you two beautiful, loving people in her life. It's not because you're not worth loving, or not worth putting first, or that you've done anything wrong. Quite to the contrary, you've taken an incredibly important step to protect yourself and your young son--something you should be very proud of.
It's hard to "just get on with it" because this experience really hurts. Clearly, you love your mother and really wish she could be in your life in a healthy way. She can't, and doesn't want to prioritize that, and that really, really stinks. In my experience, as ACs, this is where we're in danger of slipping back--calling your mother to "apologize" and "fix it." It can be helpful at this point to work on remembering what's really going on, that it's not your fault, that you can't fix it. I might even write a card to keep near my phone with the reasons for my boundary and the fact that my mother chose not to respect that boundary or the safety of my child. And is now choosing not to call me.
On a more personal level, this is a difficult time for you. Though it may have been a process throughout your whole life, you're really face-to-face now with the hurtful decisions of your mother. You may be grieving, or angry, or lonely. You should be really, really good to yourself. You need lots of love from yourself and others, and special care. Hang in there
