I've been coming on here ages saying i want to be a sober person, but never do. Its becoming embarrasing posting in fact as its another rant about my inability to stop.
I have 3 days off then 4 on, its the most i seem to be able to do.
I wake up each day feeling terrible, but then end up in the pub after work. I only seem not to be able to drink if i stay in bed all day & have a non productive time. No matter what i do, exercise, cook, my work, i always find time for it.
My family worry, i am told i have everything going for me, i love keeping fit & feeling good, but i do this madness to escape!
I have a pain in my side but my liver test comes back normal & my doctor says there's no swelling. I see news on tv of alcoholism being the new heart disease & how its killing young people because of cheap booze here. I see shocking pictures of 24 year old in hospital beds dying because they drank too much.
I feel better when i not drank. I lose weight, i don't look puffy in the face, my pain goes away somewhat, i save money, but i miss the escape!! I tell my counselor!, i miss the escape from my empty lonely life, i miss my anesthetic that i'm scared will kill me. I don't seem to help myself or be able to. I've had cbt, seen so called specialists, doctors etc! But i sit here now looking forward to the time later when i walk to the bar! & it scares me
