[GiveLove]

Psychologists often talk about doing inner child work.....becoming acquainted with the child that we are and were, and becoming protective and nurturing of him/her.

When I did that work, it made me want to go back and hit people in my life with heavy blunt objects.

How dare they do that to that girl? She was a NICE girl, a SMART girl, and only wanted to please. And even if she didn't, NO one deserves such treatment. I shouted and paced and raged and wanted to hurt them. It was bad. (definitely not what my therapist had in mind...)

But this too was part of my healing. When my fury was spent, there was more grief, grief that I could not control the kind of people who gave birth to me, grief that not all people can be good parents or even good human beings. Then there was the jealousy of others who had good, supportive families......

Healing is not linear. We go in fits and starts, forward and back, like a sewing machine sometimes does.

Let yourself feel this, iwth. It's okay. Let it carry you to a deeper understanding, wherever it might take you. I've just shared my story so you could see the circuitous route that brought me to here...through that patchy forest of anger.

By the way, for me, forgiveness came way down the line, well after all of these other emotions were honored. And I do not love them; that would be a lie for me. It's not mandatory.