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Originally Posted by sunnyvols  I think that when a AH has put his family through so much with his alcoholism that 50% custody is a bit much to ask for, given that most healthy fathers don't even get that. |
I'm an alcoholic father of two children, so I'll just try to relate my experience. It's not for me to say what's best for anyone else or what the laws in your state will allow.
I've been going to AA meetings since 2/21/05, the same day my ex and I started our seperation and divorce process, and I went through the craziness of early recovery, even spending a few days in a mental hospital. I was angry at the life that I felt was being taken away from me, and I took out my anger and insanity on my ex. I never wanted to give up the right to spend time with my children 24/7 and I still struggle with that.
My ex and I decided to use a mediator rather than having an ugly court battle. During mediation I had a "poor pity me" attitude and handed over most of the custody time to her, believing that it was more important for my children to spend time with their mother than with an alcoholic father in recovery. But as my recovery progressed, it became more apparent to me how beneficial it was to our children to spend equal time with their birth parents, so I've had the Parenting Plan modified twice to allow me more time with my kids. Given the chance, I've considered going back and asking for a one week on/one week off custody schedule, a true 50/50 plan.
I'm not a parenting expert, but from what I've read, seen, heard, and talked with other parents in recovery about, is that children benefit tremendously from equal time with both parents, assuming of course that the parents have a fairly healthy lifestyle, and the ones most adversely affected by parental conflict are the children too.
I'm not thrilled that my ex had an affair, I don't care for her morals, and obviously I made her life a living hell while I drank away our relationship and a family, but looking at two of the most beautiful kids I've ever seen, I can't help but think that we both did a pretty fair job of parenting, and we continue to do so. I'm grateful she's been willing to give me a fair chance.