Morning, y'all.
Yeah, that comfortable phase or whatever--buzzed without being drunk--that's how I loved to live my life for years. I didn't know I had a problem, and when I found out, I decided I still liked being buzzed better. Then I decided to quit last October (my, has it been a year) and dang near died--and the irony of *quitting* drinking sealed my resolve: it was not only funner and easier to live life buzzed, it was safer too.
Aside from 'sober up' days (court dates, alcohol classes etc) I never considered quitting until one day in July (don't know if it was sunny but might as well have been) I up and decided to go along with what the doctor said. No thought into it, it was just another drunken desision that looked like something I oughtta do--I had been roughly a year since the first time I tried quitting, back when I found out how much alcohol was a problem in my life and in my family.
And sobriety has its good times, especially once you have days under you, but it's those first days that are he- and those are usually the ones I have, unfortunately. At first in sobriety (my definition of the period since July 09, being that I have spend more time that way than otherwise... hardliners will hate my use of the term I know) I couldn't fathom how I had gotten to my senior year with a 3.5 on at least a bottle of whiskey a day. Now, I think that feat will pale in comparison to making it this semester--half sober or otherwise.
Like TJ said "and I would have been hungover today trying to pick up the pieces again. Oh, what a horrible cycle that was." That's what my life's been like lately. And it's getting frantic sometimes, falling sick has not helped at all.
I know I've said most of this before, I just needed to clarify it for myself. Motivation has been up and down lately, mostly because it seems like I can't win, and usually then I like to just refocus on something I can... saves me energy.
Last night I dreamed I couldn't sleep (grr), that I woke up and posted a lot of things I might regret... remember thinking how my brain's still all cloudy even though I'm sober and I can't never win for losing... I fell asleep thinking "I oughtta PM the admins and ask them to erase it all..." I woke up (for real) terrified in a cold sweat. Oh, boy, these are back... fun times. Sobering up is like a clockworks gear shift for me, only I never know which teeth are going to line up, but this time I get "limited physical symptoms" "emotional rollercoaster" and "bad dreams." Last time it was different... as was the time before.
OB, (((hugs))).
ANew, I wondered where you were. Come on back, you know the drill (told me it a few times...) brush off and back on. Welcome back...
Zebra, how you been?
Brent, 3 days & you're feeling good? Wow. With any luck, that'll ease you through these rough days... I got 3 too. Numerical odds have you quitting for good... seems most everybody who quits the same day as me usually ends up with a month plus.
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Take care y'all,
-TB, taking it easy today