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**DesertEyes** · 10-19-2009, 08:42 PM

Hi there iawoings, and welcome to this little corner of recovery

Going thru the posts here and reading up on Adult Children of Alcholics _is_ the best place to start, so you're doing just fine.

As far as "fear of success", there's many reasons. I can only tell you about mine and you can see if any of this fits. In my "family of origin" it was incredibly dangerous to attract attention, it meant getting verbally abused for sure, and sometimes physically as well. The best way to survive was to stay quiet, in another room, or preferably out of the house.

Being succesful attracts attention, and attention can get me killed. Well, not any more, but the old reflexes and feelings still pop up from time to time. What I did was work the 12 steps on my ACoA issues, one step at a time, along with a couple good therapists. I learned how to accept my feelings and _not_ act on them. I learned how to act in healthy ways _in spite_ of my feelings. I learned that the emotional injuries I received as a child would heal if I treated them as _injuries_, and not as permanent part of my personality.

Today I am succesful in ways that _I_ have decided are important to me. I have a good job, a nice little condo, a car that runs, tons of friends, and a lovely girlfriend. I'm not anywhere close to being rich, but I have more than I need. Today I am _grateful_ for the success I have had in my personal and professional life and it no longer scares me like it used to. Ok, so I'm not 100% comfortable 100% of the time, but close enough

That's the brief version. For me it was the "brainwashing" my alcoholic parents forced on me that cause my fear of success. Nothing more.

Mike

10-19-2009, 08:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
DesertEyes Starting over Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Starting over all over again Posts: 3,112	Hi there iawoings, and welcome to this little corner of recovery Going thru the posts here and reading up on Adult Children of Alcholics _is_ the best place to start, so you're doing just fine. As far as "fear of success", there's many reasons. I can only tell you about mine and you can see if any of this fits. In my "family of origin" it was incredibly dangerous to attract attention, it meant getting verbally abused for sure, and sometimes physically as well. The best way to survive was to stay quiet, in another room, or preferably out of the house. Being succesful attracts attention, and attention can get me killed. Well, not any more, but the old reflexes and feelings still pop up from time to time. What I did was work the 12 steps on my ACoA issues, one step at a time, along with a couple good therapists. I learned how to accept my feelings and _not_ act on them. I learned how to act in healthy ways _in spite_ of my feelings. I learned that the emotional injuries I received as a child would heal if I treated them as _injuries_, and not as permanent part of my personality. Today I am succesful in ways that _I_ have decided are important to me. I have a good job, a nice little condo, a car that runs, tons of friends, and a lovely girlfriend. I'm not anywhere close to being rich, but I have more than I need. Today I am _grateful_ for the success I have had in my personal and professional life and it no longer scares me like it used to. Ok, so I'm not 100% comfortable 100% of the time, but close enough That's the brief version. For me it was the "brainwashing" my alcoholic parents forced on me that cause my fear of success. Nothing more. Mike __________________ Sunsets are not endings. If I have enough faith, they are beginnings.

Starting over