Sograteful, I'm so glad you found our little corner of healing here.
I easily could have written much of your post......stepmother.....the long silences......etc.
It took a lot of years of practice to get to the point where I was no longer immobilized with grief that I can't have the family I would like to have. You are far ahead of me on the learning curve, it is clear, and I think you are doing wonderfully. Blessings on you for reaching out for support from people who "get it."
Just wanted to say hello and send you a hug. We can all use a hug now and then, even when we're doing the right thing.
GL