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This is something that I think about, too. Is it important to you to forgive your family, or do you feel like that's something that other people think is important, but you don't? I couldn't tell from your post. I definitely identify with what you're saying about anger--some days I feel like I've just started to come out of denial and into anger, and there's this pressure to not stay angry, to forgive, but sometimes it just seems like another way of saying "be good, don't feel those feelings, lower your expectations, be the 'adult' to your family..." etc. messages.
My own take on forgiveness comes from my religious tradition--I believe that if I have wronged someone, it is my obligation to a) sincerely regret the action, b) apologize, and, where appropriate, make restitution, c) commit myself to changing this behavior in the future, and d) seek forgiveness. This works the other way, too--I would have to try my very best to forgive my family if they had sincerely done all of these things. You don't have to forgive people who don't apologize, much the less change their behavior and attempt to make amends. I don't know about you, but my family has never come close to any of that!
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