:Having a really bad day today and do not know why all seems fine well apart from my skrew up relapse which happened three weeks ago whcih once again I have to gain the trust of my loved once and make my life seem normal again,. i.e go back to my job with my tail between my legs, feeling like I do not even deserve it. Unfortunately for me the department of communinity services got involved inp any case they are very suppotive and since I surrounded myself inmediately with a lot of support have let me keep my kids but said that I had to go and do whatever it takes for a non reoccurence. So they will stay involved for a few months I guess just monitoring and so on........... the hospital had informed them of me getting in there totally off my ....,,, wits......... In any case I have my oldest with my sister until she is ready and actually feels ok to come home have left the decision up to her, she is allowed to come home, she is 11 and a half so obviously aware of my problem and scared it will happen again. My other little one is 6 mths. Hopefully I can make it right for her.
In any case am now what three weeks sober but am so depressed and ridden with anxiety it is not funny. I hate it . They have prescribed me Seroquel XR which basically numbs my feelings I guess it is good otherwise I would be really not able to cope in reconstructing my life again, they also prescribed me antibuse to stoppppppppppppppppppp me from going silly.
In any case the worst part is that I can;t let my feeling out infront of people, i.e my partner like I have to be strong eventhough I feel Like crying like there is no tomorrow about the way I skrewed up which is so hard.......so basically appear strong for everyone's sake and leave the crying and my feelings for when I see my psychiatrist.........sounds silly but people who care about me prefer me ok rather then being in a way honest about how I am really feeling.
Have been getting up and been jogging in the mornings also started doing Bikram yoga on weekends which teaches you a lot about letting go and staying in the now...........sorry for my rambling on will also post it on a thread I guess I need help. I do not know why today especially is such a hard day..........
Am so sick of trying over and over again...........
Anyone help.............. I hate this disease..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:headba nge: