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hi shecanrun-
i relate to much of what you have written. i went through the financial ruin, the affair and the minimizing of his drinking. it made me question myself.
i didn't have much luck speaking with my alcoholic about my concerns. he would become angry and the conversations went nowhere. i finally left my home when i was scared to fall asleep because he would come in drunk and drop lit cigarettes in the bed and on the wood floor.
i'm glad that you are going to alanon and reading here. it took awhile for me to get my blinders off and exit from my own denial of sorts.
your counselor doesn't sound very helpful. perhaps time to find a new one?
for me, it took separating, getting clear of the madness and then and only then could i see the whole thing for what it was.
the active alcoholic will blame you for what is occurring. that is part of their way of protecting their drinking.
for me, it took getting some counselling, attending meetings and then, to begin to establish some healthy boundaries and sticking too them. my alcoholic didn't like this at all, but i didn't do it for him, i did it for me, because i too was becoming sick in such an unhealthy relationship where i could not express my genuine concerns (e.g. fire) without being yelled at.
so, you're not alone and there is a way out. keep reading, keep talking, keep turning it over to your higher power and you will find your way, as so many of us have.
naive
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