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oh my goodness, I recognise a lot of your feelings. I also didn't know, or didn't want to see that my xabf is an alcoholic. Sometimes I even still question myself, despite the fact that he drinks every single night of his life and displays all the usual symptoms. It's so hard to accept that something completely out of your control is having an enormous impact on your life and that you're not going to be able to negotiate with it and you're going to have to make other plans.
I'm also in a position of having to have ongoing discussions about finances with someone who is incredibly narcissistic and much happier ignoring the issues, because that's what works for him generally.
As far as your conversation goes this weekend, I can only tell you what I've done, which is to put a calm face on, even when I'm actually freaking out inside, and try to bring the conversation back to the facts again and again. Asking questions helps. Like, does he think it would be a good idea to... or, Would he like to do this or that, and give him two options that you would be OK with.
I've absolutely hated having to tiptoe around, as usual, in order to not spark the criticisms and anger that he's so used to dishing out, but I also just can't handle any more drama and I want to resolve things so that I can get myself out of his life.
I've realised that when I get into an argument with him, it's usually because deep inside I think that he'll finally hear me and change for me. It's never worked, I can tell you. So giving up on the argument is like giving up on us, which is hard. But it sounds like you're ready. Good luck! Tell us how it goes...
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