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Originally Posted by Mandjas  That's exactly how I feel about her but isn't that detachment with anger rather than love? That's why I can't get my head around ow to do it with love, when it comes down to it I don't really feel that much love at the moment. |
I stated the truth of the matter to her simply. In the letter and all of my correpondence w/ her thus far has not been full of raging emails, etc. I confronted her with love and truth in my email. She is making the choice--which she is allowed--to not get her driver's license so she can see her grandchildren. I said none of these things out of anger.
Do I feel anger and hurt? Of course I do because of the poor choices she's making. Her choices do affect the entire family. Her choices exclude her family...and do not advocate for family. Therefore I believe I have righteous anger. That I deal with on my own as I learn to let go and move on with my life. If she doesn't want to be a part of it, I can't put my life on hold for until she suddenly decides she wants to be proactive in our family. Life goes on with or without her and that is just the "hard truth" of life. Addiction takes everything away that is good. It only destroyes. If I were to somehow treat my mom "special" because she's an alchoholic would be in my opinion...enabling her....and telling her ...its ok..u can be a drunk adn I'll do whatever u want me to b/c u are a drunk and u can't help it. Alcoholism is a choice...as ugly as it is. And I do hate alcoholism...I am proud to say it. Never would I advocate for something so destructive...and never would I participate in it.
Not sure if that helps you, but I do know how u feel. For sooo long I was sooo worried about offending my mom (and other codependent family members) and obsessed about the "perfect" way to confront her...but now I realize...there is no perfect way to say it. They're not going to like the boundaries I set b/c they dont' see that there is a problem....or a need for me to set boundaries. If they would agree w/ me...then they probably wouldn't have a problem to begin with. :p IDk...don't be so hard on urself...the more you contemplate this..the harder it will get. Think of u. Hope that helps.
I mean, the main issue is your concern for you child's safety and also for your emotional and mental well-being. You don't have to tolerate being lied to, etc.
Another thought I consider is why is it that people who are drunk, insist that they are ok to drive? Because their judgement is impaired....so no matter how sober someone insists they are and u know they have been drinking, don't buy into it. I've seen what happens to people who end up in crashes b/c of drunk driving. I'd hate to see something like that happen to ur child simply b/c u are afraid of offending your mom. Many blessings to u!
