SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Is it enabling letting AH live in the same house

MeHandle · 10-14-2009, 05:13 PM

whyamstaying,

you kicking him out doesn't decide his bottom. I told my AH to leave and I would not go forward with divorce , that when he was prepared to be a healthy husband and father he could come home.However, when i told mine to leave he wouldn't. So i told him I would leave and would file for legal seperation. He told me i could just file for divorce if I was going to play that game. Soooo, I can stand to live and so can my kids in the present situation. We are in the same house. I believe that the reality of what is happenening won't hit him with a full force until we are not in the same house and he is alone. However, moving out of the bedroom, telling him i was getting a divorce and doing the paper work is enough for him to 'get it' and I am not enabling him. I am allowing what has been best for my family at present and what i can tolerate.

But I want to make clear, there is consequences to his comments and actions. He needed to get out but refused so I offered all I could for my conscience towards this marriage. Me getting out . But i also let him know that waiting for him to be an RA would not last forever and I wouldn't live in seperation limbo forever. He refused and i called his bluff. When i called his bluff he still didn't hit bottom. Still blamed me, "how could I through away 22 years of marriage, we can work this out." Daaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! If nothing changes, nothing changes. Daaaa!!!!!!! Who is throwing away, and who is not moving with action to 'work this out.'Daaaaa!!!!

I told him my standard for me, I could not stayed married to an active alcoholic or even a dry one. We are in the same house but he knows my boundaries and he knows where I am progressing too.

Oh crap, i am late!!!!!!!! Well, maybe i will come back and finish . Really left off at paragraph 2.

10-14-2009, 05:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
MeHandle 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: IL Posts: 436	whyamstaying, you kicking him out doesn't decide his bottom. I told my AH to leave and I would not go forward with divorce , that when he was prepared to be a healthy husband and father he could come home.However, when i told mine to leave he wouldn't. So i told him I would leave and would file for legal seperation. He told me i could just file for divorce if I was going to play that game. Soooo, I can stand to live and so can my kids in the present situation. We are in the same house. I believe that the reality of what is happenening won't hit him with a full force until we are not in the same house and he is alone. However, moving out of the bedroom, telling him i was getting a divorce and doing the paper work is enough for him to 'get it' and I am not enabling him. I am allowing what has been best for my family at present and what i can tolerate. But I want to make clear, there is consequences to his comments and actions. He needed to get out but refused so I offered all I could for my conscience towards this marriage. Me getting out . But i also let him know that waiting for him to be an RA would not last forever and I wouldn't live in seperation limbo forever. He refused and i called his bluff. When i called his bluff he still didn't hit bottom. Still blamed me, "how could I through away 22 years of marriage, we can work this out." Daaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! If nothing changes, nothing changes. Daaaa!!!!!!! Who is throwing away, and who is not moving with action to 'work this out.'Daaaaa!!!! I told him my standard for me, I could not stayed married to an active alcoholic or even a dry one. We are in the same house but he knows my boundaries and he knows where I am progressing too. Oh crap, i am late!!!!!!!! Well, maybe i will come back and finish . Really left off at paragraph 2.